Hectic Eclectic's topics - tribe.net

Weird dream(s) 090507

heclec — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 13:00:17 GMT

I had some very lucid dreams last night after the night before when I barely got a full hour of sleep. Last night I was in bed by a decent time and I wouldn't say I got plenty of rest because I kept getting startled awake by this crazy shit.

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The dream I remember most vividly had myself, a girl, and a male companion. We were traveling, I don't know where to or why. The guy was some sort of criminal but he was cool with us so we let him tag along. The girl was named "Negumi" and I have dreamt about her before in various other settings. We decided to rest for the night and we were under a tree beneath a sheet, her and I, and we were touching each other in little silly, subtle ways under the blanket like you might do with your g/f or whatever sometimes. We had been wandering in a forest with no cell phone coverage and suddenly her phone bleeped with the "New message" tone.

This is where it starts getting recursive and previous dreams tie together because in the last dream I had w/ her, she came to my work and mentioned something about liking "chocolate cereal" and I promised her the next time I saw her, I would bring her some and we would eat it together, but she never came back. I had written her a text message that was jokingly like, "Hey you lied to me. We were going to each chocolate cereal but you never showed up." .. it was roughly to that effect.

Back to the current dream, she reads this message and becomes angry that I had accused her of lying to me. I tried to explain that I was only kidding; her absence had been forgivable because I really liked her and still hoped to see her again, but she didn't accept this and was still insulted at being accused of lying. Then she pulled out a mirror and laid it up a rock and started pulling things out of her pockets from previous dreams that I had w/ her......

I do not remember the specifics of this part but I remember she pulled out 4 different things: one was a big cockroach which was from a dream that we had ended up someplace on our "adventure" and had to fight off bigass roaches. I had "promised" her "something" about the roaches.. I don't remember that part either, but she was obviously reminding me of not being true to "whatever" I had promised. The only other thing that I remember was a stack of nondescript coins that she revealed to me that she intended to use to buy the chocolate cereal herself...

I started to feel very strange, like a little boy that had wrongly been accused of something but yet I felt completely guilty and amongst feeling very sad and fighting back tears, I tried to explain more about the text message ("it was only a joke") and apologized more but I guess it was unacceptable. She brushed all the items off of the mirror, broke it on the rock, and then held up her left hand vertically and with her right, made something like an "ok" symbol, slid it from the tips of the left hand down to her palm, and then pulled it away, stood up, and left the clearing where we had been sleeping.

At that moment, it was like I realized that I had loved her all along because the sudden emptiness I felt overwhelmed me and I was sobbing loudly and uncontrollably as I have only in times of being completely and utterly miserable. Our other traveling companion had woken at this time and having realized what happened, he began crying as well; I believe he felt sorry for me. I was crying loudly and screaming her name, "NEGUMI!" in the forest, hoping she might just come back. Then I heard a rushing through the trees and saw someone running towards us. In a flash I was relieved because i thought she was coming back, but alas, it was a group of soldiers coming to the aid of whoever was screaming. However, upon reaching us, they saw the criminal, saw me, and asking no questions, they killed the both of us.

I woke up. It was 6am; pillow soaked, tears in my eyes, still weakly crying "negumi" and feeling, as you would imagine, very, very strange.
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The other dream was far less melancholy and far more "action-packed," though far less is remembered. There was this bad guy that was trying to do <heck if I remember> and myself, a friend of mine named Mark, these 2 Asian brothers and .. Harry Potter (!!??) were trying to stop him. There was a blind, traitorous, talking dog in the dream named Polo or something like that. The brothers had come up with a virus they were going to put into the bad guy's computer system to stop him from doing whatever he was doing.. but in the process one of the brothers had been captured and the virus confiscated to be used against us. There was also some whore (In the dream she was a whore, don't ask me) who had given info about what we were up to to the bad guy. In a confrontation with the bad guy, she tried to get away and in the hustle of trying to stop her, the bad guy "did" get away and somehow... again, don't ask me, the whore's knees ended up busted and bloody. Polo the blind talking dog had ended up on TV telling the story about his involvement in - again, whatever - and he was unaware that I was at the press conference where he was telling it all. Then he started to pick up my scent and I had to make a quick getaway because he got treacherously close to me, yelling something about "Stop him, he broke the whore's knees" or.. that was the gist of it... and aaahh.. yeh like, then I remember telling Harry Potter to "Call Hermione and make sure she brings her wand." ... yeh and that was that.
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So, there you have it. "Rant" or not, you can always depend on something totally random if you come here, eh? I just had to tell someone about that first dream, even if it was nobody or everybody (which in this medium, both is true, I suppose).

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

How I feel today.

heclec — Sat, 09 Dec 2006 00:32:52 GMT

Well, last night sucked. After my whole little gripe about.. well, general crap I gripe about, I didn't sleep at all last night. Maybe 10 minutes I dozed off but mostly tossed and turned. I got up at 4a to get ready for work at 8a - then went back to bed to toss and turn some more. When my alarm went off, I was peeved, but I went ahead to work and now I'm about to die. I haven't slept in almost 24 hours and.. it's been a while since I stayed up this long. I can feel it - mostly in my eyeballs and the immediately surrounding regions.

And after what I griped about last night, I kept thinking and thinking and thinking about it pretty much up until the moment my alarm went off and I thought "Ooh! Time to get ready for work!" and I miraculously haven't thought about it again all day until now. Now, though, it's barely having any effect on me compared to the lack of sleep. I dunno how I am even able to type at a decent pace right now. Or even speel correctly. ;P

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 1 reply

9 months later, I'm bored again.

heclec — Fri, 08 Dec 2006 06:20:34 GMT

No, I don't use the blog. This is my blog. This was my blog before Tribe added blogs. Anyway . . . .

I'm starting to feel that way again. I'm getting that "everything is crappy and boring and I am lonely and my life needs something it is sorely lacking" feeling. I hate when I get that way cuz I no longer know what to do with myself. Like now; I would/should have been in bed hours ago and it is almost midnight and all I can think about is my lingering misery.

I have been working at the Holiday Inn cooking for the restaurant for about... I guess 9 or 10 months. It's okay cuz I usually work alone during lunch and I mind my own business for the most part - changing pans and stocking required foodstuffs, baking breads and slicing meats, cleaning the coolers and fryers on a regular basis. The only thing that was bugging me so very badly was the fact that my boss was a DICK. He stayed up my ass all the time about "not doing my job" if he caught me doing so much as taking a deep breath. I could go into far more detail - about how the three to four people working the dinner shift expect me to do all the hard, dirty work while they do nothing except read books and magazines, smoke cigarettes, talk on the phone, watch TV, play cards in the break room, etc - and have the audacity to bitch when I "didn't stock the bread" which probably got used while I was busy or they could bloody well go and get it themselves. <sigh> Yeah, see?

I feel like I'm "in a rut" when I know damn well that I'm not. The band thing is going.... ok. It could be going better. Problem there is that we can schedule a practice date 3 weeks in advance, but on the day-of, I don't hear from anyone or otherwise can't get in touch with anyone.. and then when I DO hear from someone, they're bitching cuz I haven't talked to them all day and often times one of the guys comes around with, "Well I gotta take my wife to Bed Bath and Beyond," or some horseshit like that. If we don't get our shit together, I dunno if I will care so much about playing with them anymore, even though playing drums is extremely therapeutic for me.

The *main* thing that is bothering me is that I keep thinking about *her.* Yes, *her,* and I hate it. I still think I was in love with her and maybe she was the only one I ever loved. Being around her made me so, so happy. Maybe, she might say, a little *too* happy. But anyway, I felt like a kid when I was around her and the only other thing that makes me feel like a kid is acid. That's really saying something (I think), comparing my feelings about her to my reactions from a strong psychoactive drug. [Just so we are all clear, I have not done any "strong psychoactive drugs" in YEARS; since before I ever joined Tribe, for sure.] I am having those delusional thoughts that maybe she still thinks about me and wonders about where I am or how I am doing because I certainly do think about her on a damn-near daily basis.

Shit, maybe, that's why I'm feeling like this, because there I go clinging to something that happened, like, 7 years ago. In all that time I have had the nerve to ask out ONE girl, and it was fairly recently. Months ago, a girl at work. Cutest thing I've seen in awhile but probably thinks she's too good for me. Obviously she said "no," and I haven't had the guts to ask her, or anyone else, since. Besides that one instance, though, I don't talk to any girls or asked them out or shown any signs of interest whatsoever. It's awful. My friend even brought two girls over here a few weeks ago and we all got PLASTERED and all they kept talking about was all the sexual things they wanted to do to me, or whatever, and all I could think was that they must be skanks.

*She* and I had so much in common. Only thing I wasn't crazy about was her fondness for radio-pop, but if I could spend a day with her, I think that can be overlooked. We liked the same types of cartoons, video games, even porn. The more I think about *her,* the more I think that "she was the perfect girl for me" and all that and THAT'S SOOO NOT HEALTHY FOR ME TO THINK THAT, YES, THANKS, I KNOW. The fact is, though, and I am ready to admit it, is that I lied to her. She didn't want me partaking of certain "habits" and I swore to her "no more" but that lasted a whole.. maybe a week? Thing I never understood about that situation is that she LOVED me when I was stoned but otherwise couldn't stand me. I never.. got that. Clearly, that was at the beginning of our relationship. We were never "serious," but years later on the day she told me that she loved me I just kinda shrugged and smiled which... hurt her feelings. After she acted so indifferently all the times I tried to convey my feelings - and all the times *my* feelings were hurt - she couldn't take it, when really inside I was tingling with joy. What was a supposed to do, though? Say, "Oh, baby! I love you too!" She would've thought that was corny as hell. She thought a lot of things I did were corny as hell, at least that's how she acted. .... but damn, I do miss her. I dunno if I need "closure" or what. Maybe if I got in touch with her I would find out that she was married with a college degree and 2 kids with some guy that was a millionaire. Or maybe I would find out that she was still single and living with her mom and wondering about me, too. She was always very driven, full of ambition, so the first thing is more likely to be true. Maybe I could call her mom and ask about her... maybe I should shut the fuck up about *her* already. <long, heaving sigh>

I guess I might start using Tribe more often since "I'm starting to feel that way again."

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

Ranting and robbed 032706

heclec — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 05:29:02 GMT

Is/Was anyone reading this crap?
Respond or something. Just say "cool" or "I know dude, totally."

Anyway, today was very interesting. It starts with last night, actually... buddy was having problems. He "sounded like distress" and it was one of those things like, "Oh, man. Say no more," and I was gone. I went and got him and, urr, I had drank 3 beers already. Takes about an hour to get to his place and 2 hours later when we got back to town, I still had beer in me. He gets some money and although it's Sunday in Arkansas, we go to a restaurant still serving beer and the debauchery began. We drank (I was so shitfaced I dunno what we were drinking .. I just remember there were several of them and he kept saying "it's really hoppy" and I'd laugh with my drunk ass..) uhrm, we drank some Tuaca at one point, I do remember clearly. Then we went to a place down the road and drank 2 damn huge-ought glasses of Indian Pale and got a "Growler" - a half-gallon of beer-to-go - and went to a party we were summoned to. Wooooh... damn that was a hell of a party cuz it seems more like a dream I was so hammered.

So eventually dude and I ended up at home (my place). Next day, we get up and fuck around a bit cuz we're hungover.. then, lessee.. I took him to a grocery store where he was to procure sustainance and proceed to a pay-lodging (Hotel). When I got back to my place, I realized "he had left his lighter" and before I went to work, I put "his lighter" in a place next to my cell phone where I would be very sure to notice when I got home. When I got home 2-1/2 hours later... IT WASN'T THERE and my NEIGHBOR (read previous entry for a little background) was there as I was freaking out about it -- laughing and telling me I got wasted and "HID IT FROM MYSELF??!?" He says that every time something ends up missing in my apartment. Shit like garbage bags and salt & pepper shakers... but this time it was "a lighter" and goddamnit he was trying to convince me that I "hid" it, I "misplaced" it, it "fell." I started getting pissed cuz I KNEW something fishy was going on (finally) and he kept trying to distract me from looking. Then he said, "Well why are you getting mad at me?" and his wife was behind him like, "Well /we/ weren't in there!" etc, and I'm thinking, "Who said YOU did anything?"

What happened next... ? <thinking> Oh, so the people that owns these apartments lets these people upstairs (the darling neighbors) clean out an apartment for a few bucks off their rent when someone moves out. Also, the maintenance guy was here, so I started my investigation by asking him had he been inside my apartment. "No" was the reply. I then asked him did he think that if they clean the apartments, might they have a key? "No" again. Next, I called the office of those folks and asked them if the neighbors had a key. "No, that's dumb" was more or less the reply. Which, yes it's goddamn dumb to give tweakers a key to someone else's apartment -- but I had to check. So I sat and began to think that if they didn't have a key (which was a resonable suspicion, no?) then they must have gotten in a window. 2 windows were unlocked. The one in the front of the house covered with a screen.. and another at fucking ground-level in the bedroom, without a screen, quite accessible enough for a person to crawl through without straining too much, ya know? The first thing I notice in the bedroom is smudges of dirt in the carpet. I wouldn't call it a footprint. In fact, in retrospect, it was probably a toeprint. I didn't take much notice to this at first because I might have tracked dirt into the house but when I noticed it went visibly about 5 or 6 steps into my bedroom... leading FROM the window and even smudges of dirt on my blanket and fucking clean towels!? Next step: check the window. What did I see? Looked like handprint, my friend. Appeared to be where someone pressed the window with their fingertips trying to get a good grip and then dirt smeared where their fingers appeared to slip on the glass.... and yes, they were on the outside of the window. I started spazzin. Not visibly so much because I was going to confront my neighbor about it right away.....

Outside, he's Mr "Hey guy, check this out" and I simply said, "I need to talk to you." and HE responded with, "I DIDN'T BREAK INTO YOUR HOUSE!!" Woah. Clairvoyant? and defensive? Over something that he obviously didn't do because I hadn't even mentioned it yet, ya know? He starts wailing on me! At least, he tried cuz he never actually hit me (but he told everyone he kicked my ass..) as much I was trying to hold him back and stay uninjured as he was yelling, "Fight me!" and all this dumb shit. Of course, I wasn't going to hit him. I stared him down like a dog when I told him, too. Told him I wasn't hitting his dumbass and tried to show him the fingerprints on the window and he claimed that (get this) the fingerp's were from where "he washed the window before I moved in" (well he did a shitty job) and the footp's were from when "he installed the carpet" (cuz it's new carpet). Bzzz! I told him he's full of shit cuz the dirt on my carpet was still moist AND was also on my blankets and clean towels (yeh, on the floor) AND pointed out the moist dirt outside my window. This made me check the ground out there for footprints - of which there were none cuz this clever crackfiend had used a rake to cover his footprints by diggin it into the dirt out there.

He kept trying to get me to hit him and crap and I said I wasn't hitting him cuz I was callin the cops and wasn't gettin a battery charge with his burglary. At that, he more or less shut up and went upstairs but was mumbling "call the cops! Have 'em dust that window! blah!" Note, I had not yet called the cops but within 5 minutes of me saying I would, they left going somewhere on foot. So I waited til they came back and called but by the time the cops showed, they had left with the girl's gramma. Maybe this was unnecessary but as they were leaving, I waved and said, "Bye! You'll be gone when the cops get here!" Stupid dude jumps out of the moving vehicle and gets in my face again yelling "hit me! hit me!" and stupid shit. I just stared him down again and told him the cops /were/ on their way and if he intended to be gone (which OF COURSE was their intent), then I'd get gone. Then his wife... oh his wife tried to do that crap that girls do that's like 'I think I'm cute and if I make the right face and voice then you might think I'm cute too and cave on this situation.' She said, /pout "What did we *supposedly* steal from you?" and I said - and I knew it sounded rediculous as they intended - garbage bags, salt and pepper shakers, a lighter.....

They laughed out loud and said, "WHY would we take THAT stuff?" and I said, "... exactly."

Then he starts yelling something about how he must have taken my [drugs - he named a few] or I lost them accusing him of taking them because I'm a drug fiend and all this hahahaha. This was one of his mind games, I gathered, because I believe he was trying to make the entire neighborhood think that *I* was the badguy here. But a statement that was more or less admitting that he may or may not have taken some drugs from me didn't say much about him, now did it? Once again I remained calm and just told him that he was being entirely too defensive about something that he supposedly didn't do but I had proof and went into my apartment.

<sigh> So when the cops show up, they are long gone wherever they went. I showed him my evidence, outlined my "investigation" to him and told him the whole story and he saw my evidence, understood my line of thinking about the situation and ... told me there was really nothing he could do because even after I made him dust the window.. the prints weren't "prints" but smudges of dirt (although he admitted he saw the handprints) and the footprints weren't "prints" so much as they were more smudges of dirt where the guy probably tiptoed through the house.

Cop: So you can file a burglary report, but...
Me: ... but there's not enough hard evidence here to prove that it was HIM that was in my house.
Cop: .. right, and unfortunately, probably nothing would come of a report. Now, I could try talking to him...
Me: .. but that's pointless because he's beligerant (sp?) and will tell you a completely different bunch of bullshit.
Cop: Right, probably so.

So I apologized for wasting the officers time, but he was sure to tell me that if I ever had another problem with them to call the cops immediately. Said if they knocked on my door, report harrassment. If they were making more noise than I thought was necessary, report a noise complaint. <shrug>

Really, the whole thing I was trying to accomplish here was acquire peace of mind that it was or wasn't my neighbor that did it so that I could FUCKING ADMIT I WAS WRONG AND APOLOGIZE, because I am a big enough man, or have his ass tossed into the slammer. They left with gramma and haven't been back but, by gawd, my window is locked and when they inevitably come over talking shit about how I was "supposed to call the cops" and "where's your proof" all that. I ain't tellin them shit. I'm calling the cops.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

`I'm back!

heclec — Fri, 24 Mar 2006 16:28:27 GMT

Yeah.... shit, man. I'm back.

I had a bit of a stay in Florida where I was trying to find an apartment but that crap was expensive so I moved someplace that had much cheaper cost-of-living.. Arkansas. But not "home" in Arkansas; completely across the state from my whole family so that I'm closer but still not so close. I AM banging the drums again. I am in a band: the infamous Hillrod. They have a tribe page and a website www.hillrod.net but the page is old and I am nowhere to be spoken of in all of it yet, but it doesn't matter cuz we're playing, getting the shit together and soon (hopefully very very soon) we'll probably bust out a gig. I'm chillin in an apartment that has water and electricity and not much else. (I am wirelessly intercepting someone's internet signal which is not a good thing, I don't think, but it comes in and out and it's just til I get a more permanent solution because -- ) without cable I'm about to go nuts cuz I have no idea what's going on on TV. I guess I am addicted but mostly I just wish I had Cartoon Network -- but why pay $60 just for that??

My apartment is a mess. Total bachelor pad with crap laying everywhere and the furniture is "freeform." Yes, that's a feng shui technique I developed that means "The furniture goes where the hell I want it or wherever it fits." aaaand I don't have much furniture. I have two recliners, a futon, and a TV-stand thing and that's IT... oh, and a $10 little stand I bought at WalMart, hah.

Only thing that sucks lately is that my neighbors are tweakers. Argh! Anyone read all those entries about my stupid doped-up friends? Well these people are frighteningly similar. However, because they aren't my friends, I have found it far easier to tell them off. I don't like being mean to people, but when the fuel pump on their truck went out, I knew I had to become Mr Asshole to prevent constant demands like "Hey, take me to work." Naw, they don't even ask, they just told me yesterday, "The truck is fucked up and... I have to go to work." Well, good luck taking the bus! Or you need to walk, you better start kinda early cuz it's sort of a long way on foot! They even have the bawls to ask me occasionally if they can USE my car!?!? WTF ARE you smoking that you'd think someone you barely know is gonna loan you their car!!? Yesterday they came over and started arguing - not pointlessly bickering but violently arguing - in my apartment and I rose my voice over them and said, "HEEEEY! I don't need to hear that bullshit, get it out of my apartment and take it outside or back to your place cuz I don't wanna fuckin hear it," which was a reasonable request, eh? The girl had the nerve to say, "Fuck you!" and goddamn in front of her husband I stood up and said, "No!! Fuck you!! I hear enough of ya'lls stupid bullshit through the ceiling all the time without ya'll bringing it down here so both of you get the fuck out." That was just yesterday, and you know they have not bothered me once yet? It's only 10a yet but they are usually up my ass anywhere from 6-8am. They come banging on my door and ringing my doorbell: <DINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONG> in quick successsion.....

Hehe, yesterday was funny though cuz Joe came over (see Joe's out-of-date profile at the Hillrod tribe) and was doing his "impression" of my neighbors. I had had enough of them that day as it was (what with the bitching them out and all) and I ENFLAMED. I jumped up and ran over to the door and went >BAM!< and then heard a laugh! That pissed me off more cuz the motherfucker thought it was funny -- but when I realized it was Joe, I had to do everything I could to laugh myself cuz I almost attacked the person on the other side of that door! I'm pretty sure that Joe knows now... never to do that again.

I can't think of much else. I already mentioned the bestest-news (the band) and the worstest-news (stupid neighbors) but I currently can't think of anything to rant much about. I could probably go on about the neighbors quite a bit more but.. I won't cuz they are leaving me alone and I am enjoying the peace.

As for "breaking the hearts" Stephania, I am still working.. on that..

[FAST BREAKING UPDATE]
Holy shit, they just called me. 10 mins after I said they were leaving me alone today, she just called wanting a ride to get her paycheck but she did offer me gas and the difference between them getting their rent paid or not now hangs in the balance. (A) I don't give a shit if they pay their rent on time cuz I want them gone.. but (B) I'm SOO nice that I feel bad about them getting kicked out and having to find another place - AND in the time it takes them to move out, ima have to put up with shit like helping them move and hearing them bitch and it'll more or less boil down to how it was "my" fault that they couldn't pay their rent... and that's just a bunch of bullshit I'd have to deal with. But really, how much am I willing to deal with to get rid of them? We'll found out later... <END>

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

Thanks! :)

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 09:40:45 GMT

Hey Hectic, I never got to say thank you for the sweet letter that you mailed me! Thanks! ROCK ON!

I hope that all is well with you, and you are still bangin your drums and breakin those hearts. :)

Luv
S

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

Random Returns 071305

heclec — Thu, 14 Jul 2005 04:06:35 GMT

Damn, life sure got lonesome for me today.

My friend, his girlfriend, two kids, and some CUTE girl they brought with them came from Florida to stay with me for a couple of days to escape Hurricane Dennis. They stayed here for 5 days and though the kids drove me nuts and the girlfriend nagged about being bored, I really really missed them when they left. This happened last year when they were here in Semptember to escape the wave of hurricanes that came through.

I wish I'd have gotten to know the cute girl better. She was very sweet and nice and just adorable. She even seemed pretty cool as far as most girls go. She was very polite and nice to me and my grandparents, had a silly sense of humor and didn't complain much about anything. Not that she doesn't have her non-nice moments but I did enjoy her company and getting to meet her. Being nice on the eyes made having her around a total plus.

I am now in the process of recovering from their being here. My room needs to be rennovated because they brought 3 ferrets that ran apeshit through my room a few times and though I do not smell much, I suspect I will find ferret-feces. Sheets and blankets all cleaned, carpets cleaned and vaccuumed, etc. I don't mind in the least because I really enjoyed having them here and gaping loniless I now feel makes me wish they'd never left.... or taken me with them... >_>

It's been plenty enough time for them to have gotten back and I'm getting worried that I've gotten no call or email. I'm sure they're fine.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

Freakin Incredible; Re: PearPC

heclec — Thu, 12 May 2005 22:40:00 GMT

Has anyone heard of this *supposed* Mac-hardware emulator for PC that can do OSX? It's been around for a year and I always heard that "it worked, although slowly" or something else that otherwise deterred me from trying it. (Completely besides the fact that I don't *own* OSX and didn't want to download 1.5GB of it..)

So I went to the site just to check out the status of the project and they now have G4 emulation in the latest "CVS" version (more or less meaning, the version that the developers are working on but aren't confident enough to call it a "release") which will provide a giant speed boost..

Point is, I'm here to tell you that at this moment I'm typing this in MacOSX, running inside WinXP on my PC.. Yes, really. I have network connections and all and it works pretty damn well. Not that slow at all. Granted, the screen does not refresh as well as it would on an actual Mac, and the makeshift internet connection is pretty slow but it works! I'm shocked, really.

The only way to get CD-ROM access is to make an ISO of the CD you want (or use Nero or something and 'burn' an ISO) and then mount the ISO as a drive image in the emulator. Basically, no swapping discs. To get the internet to work, I had to pretty well disassemble my Windows network including my ICS (Internet Connection Sharing) and firewall.

PearPC on my machine (A Sempron 3100+ [running at 2.025 GHz], 512 DDR-RAM, Radeon 9600xt/128MB video [which matters NOT in the emu]) it emulates a G3 processor running at anywhere between 800 and 950 MHz (it seems to change everytime I run it) with 128MB of RAM. It's almost like having a 386-16MHz again but of course, I blame that completely on the stability of the emulator and not at all on OSX itself.

I haven't gotten to use many programs because it seems sorta like a lot of things use the internet connection, and let's face it people, without an internet connection a computer is pretty useless nowadays. I just got the network up and running where I can mess with it. I wanna mess with iMovie but any clips I imported via ISO from Windows are all Divx (heh). Sherlock seems interesting but it did NOTHING without an internet connection. (I sorta know what it does from back in the day when I friggin studyed MacOS in hopes of getting a Mac.)

So, all in all, this works way better than I expected. As I said, I'm surprised it worked at all. When I get the Altivec (aka: G4) instruction-version of it, it should be more-than-a-bit more responsive, I should think. Of course I can't use it as my primary OS but I'm going to try to use this as I do Windows and see how I like it. MacOS is *much more* intuitive and user-friendly than Unix/Linux despite it's Unix underpinnings. If anything, this is at least my chance to see what MacOS is all about, but I know in my heart there is no real substitute for an actual Macintosh.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

Random Rant 042105

heclec — Thu, 21 Apr 2005 06:57:19 GMT

Let me save you extraneous reading:

Bitch, whine, moan, blah, patooey.

Right now, I'm not just "down," I'm plain mad.

I wouldn't even ask because fortunately I'll have forgotten it all after I've slept.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

Random Rant 041205

heclec — Tue, 12 Apr 2005 10:06:03 GMT

God.. it is so boring and lonely when you keep the hours I do.

"If you could see inside my head, would you start to understand the things I value in my heart?" - from the song J.A.R. (Jason Andrew Relva) by Green Day from the Angus the movie Soundtrack

Unfortunately, people can't see inside each other's heads. Might make things easier if it were possible. I wish I could let people see inside my own head cuz it would unlock a lot of mysteries. Some scary, some interesting, some funny, but then I guess I wouldn't have to work so hard trying to "make friends." I swear, when I meet someone new, it might take me months to say anything at all around them. ESPECIALLY if it's a female. Lord, women just make my brain stop. A girl at the club not long ago actually approached and spoke to ME and she was cute too.. and I had nothing to say. Why? Good question. I guess, "Hey, I think you're cute," might have been a start but that's almost too easy or cliche or something. At least, that's what I always think when the truth is, if I'd have said it, it'd have been quite the opposite and she'd probably have thought it was so super-duper sweet and blah blah but I'm insecure and I talk myself out of things.

That whole above-mentioned song (which I realize you may not know) is sort of a Alma-Mater sort of something about the way I feel about living my own life, but things don't work out like that, do they? I mean, what the hell am I going to do? Like, right now GAWD I'm so bored and lonely and I don't even have anything to say, never ever ever, but I just wish I had someone to talk to that was NOT one of my fuck-tard idiot friends with an IQ of 40. I depress myself that I keep such company, but what can I do? Go to the Drift-In (the local redneck bar, which is the only category of bar that's within a 100-mile radius) and pick up a girl? Toothless, trashy, just plain nasty, methed-out or worse with 3 kids and she's only 19. Then you can't keep a decent conversation with any of the guys that doesn't escalate into a pointless drunken brawl. Mmm, classy!

"Someday I think we'll all be murdered by all the ones we elect to office." - (That's from New Wave Lullaby, I believe Weezer but it's questionable.)

I hate being:
Pessimistic, lonely, crabby, worried, sad, fat..

I like being:
Busy, amus-ed, clean

I love being:
Fed, loved, happy, amus-ing

I miss having:
Decent friends, a drumset, a life, a job and therefore a steady paycheck.. and therefore a girlfriend, it would seem.

I hate having:
No life, to stay in my grandparent's house, a giant ulcer in my goddamned brain

I wish I had:
A drumset, a decent apartment, a job and therefore a steady paycheck, a girlfriend - or at least a friend/girl or at least a friend that doesn't drag thier knuckles when they walk. (No offense to anyone that may be reading this, I mean a "physical" friend.)

It's really pitiful that as much as I bitch about being lonely, I'd rather be alone than with most people. "Haha," he says dryly.

I guess I should consider going to sleep consider-ing that I'm falling asleep. I don't know why I even bother posting here anymore because all I do is sit up all night and think too much, get depressed and then come here to pout about it like anyone (if anyone) wants to read this crap and get *themselves* depressed.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 2 replies

Random Rant 040105

heclec — Sat, 02 Apr 2005 02:21:29 GMT

Well, I guess I like to get drunk and fuck with my computer.

But I hate when it's "out of commission" like when I'm converting video. I make it a rule not to touch the thing when it's converting video and the 1-3 hours that it takes is like hell when there are oh, so many other CPU-Intensive things I could be doing.

I heard some "Death from Above 1979" the other day. It's half noise and half rocking-ass. Of course, I like the rocking-ass part. I bought (tee-hee) thier album.

I've always been a fan of AtomFilms.com, but yesterday I signed up for their Hi-Def service and it's pretty cool cuz it forces me to watch stuff I don't normally watch, as it only offers certain items in Hi-Def. It sends you new stuff every 2 weeks but takes up like a GB of two of HardDrive space. That's not much to some but I've always got around 20 GB of stuff waiting to be burned to DVD, half of THAT just stuff I recorded from Comedy Central "FNSU." Then there's all the background-bandwidth that it takes up. Yeah, I can't figure out how to burn the AtomFilms-HiDef stuff to DVD cuz I haven't found the folder that it saves the (probably proprietary) movies to. I've seen some pretty awesome stuff so far, none of which I'd have seen if this HiDef service wasn't free.

I'd like a PSP but I'm not spazzin. It's just the type of thing I need.. to waste money on. But dude, it's the coolest game system and I like to have a little thingy with a screen to show off my pics and stuff on. And I know how to convert movies to work on the PSP but it takes a hefty chunk o' cash just to afford a memory card big enough to hold all your crap. Compress a DVD to fit on.. say, a 512MB card and I don't even wanna know how much a 512MB "Sony Pro Duo Memory Stick" costs.

I was supposed to start a new job Thursday morning, but I'm still sick with this cold. It awful. I've lost my voice and my whooping cough has become a wheezing cough. Basically, all that's left of the 'cold' is a sore throat and a mild cough but I can't work the cookline at a Waffle House-type place with even a mild cough. It's not cool when everyone can see you cooking thier food and uncontrollably wheezing over it.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

wow..

heclec — Tue, 29 Mar 2005 05:18:36 GMT

It floors me how full of bullshit people on Tribe can be. Of course, not just Tribe.net, but all over, really. First person spouts off bullshit, second person spouts bullshit about how wrong the first person was, first person continues bullshit by claiming they were joking or that they are entitled to their opinion (is bullshit considered an opinion?) and etc.

Anyway, I've been sick with a pretty bad cold - or a flu or TB or something - since last week. I had a job interview today and forced myself to go even though I was afraid of not getting the job - but I did, and that's awesome.

I usually have crazy dreams when I'm sick with a fever. Usually about colored blobs or balloons or something. This has happened since I was a kid. Sick with the Chicken Pox, I dreamt of giant black balloons all around me that kept expanding until they exploded. This week, I've been having dreams about purple and white blobs following me around and stuff.. <shrug>

I had a cool dream the other night. I don't distinctly remember the first part, but I remember meeting a asian man that lived in a house that appeared to be various quilts and rugs and things sewn together. He showed me one of those folding fans that had a long handle on the end and a bird pattern on it. He told me he could make it fly and traded me that one for another fan that was sorta shaped like a big cloth spoon. He climbed atop his bequilted dwelling and threw the fan like a boomerang and as I watched it, I thought, "Wow, that things gone," when all of a sudden, the wind kicked up and the fan appeared to break in half - and then it fluttered like a bird into the man's hands.

He was getting ready to throw it a second time, when there was a particularly powerful burst of wind that sucked my fan out of my hands - and the asian guy's as well.. I heard him say "Oops, I dropped my cell phone." (?) The guy had this pond in front of his house full of fish that looked like... saw blades and I could see his cell phone at the bottom but I was like, "Uhhm.. are this fish dangerous?" Safely assuming that they were, I looked up and out in the street I could see his bird-patterned flying-fan in the street next to a book with the asian guy's face on it. As to what the book was, I guess I'll never know, because I woke up before I got to it.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 1 reply

I know, I suck.

heclec — Mon, 14 Mar 2005 03:05:35 GMT

I have gone into hiding, it might seem. I've communicated with most of you in some form or another since the last time I showed any signs of life on Tribe but not all of you and almost none very recently.

So today I'm lookin around at people's profiles and pics and..

@.@ If those pics are of you, April you is hot and a half. <swoons>

I had imagined she was cute but my head's spinning. Don't get me wrong, I think you other ladies are beautiful (even Arisa, despite the love that cannot be, tee hee), but April, I had no idea. <<<Blushing>>>

I had some other stuff I had written and then went to take a movie back and did not "Submit" and in the process lost it. I shall return.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 3 replies

I hate time

heclec — Tue, 07 Dec 2004 18:52:10 GMT

It runs, it crawls, it seems to stop
But for every moment you must stay on top
Because there's something to do and always with haste
and God knows there is none of it to waste
To hurry, hurry causes so much stress
When taking it easy is what seems the best
Appreciate the time and things that you have
Cuz in the end, all that matters is that you were glad

I'm no lyrical genius or what you might call a Zen master, but I live by a Tao that's all my own and it consists of love and respect for everyone (in general, that is). Giving the benefit of the doubt to those you don't know you can't trust because you can't judge a book by it's cover. Trying to do what I can for someone to make them happy to earn the satisfaction of bringing a bit of joy to their life that day. I honor the beauty of imperfection, the peace of solitude, and I do respect myself despite how miserable I stay.

Everybody keeps telling me I need to get laid, which is the understatement of the history of the universe. I'll just leave it at that.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 6 replies

hellooooooooooooooo

The Dolly-Lama — Thu, 18 Nov 2004 04:47:03 GMT

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 3 replies

Random Rant 082804

heclec — Sat, 28 Aug 2004 05:55:57 GMT

Wow, I was just lazy yesterday. And how did I double post?

I think I have a good one today. A rant worthy of the term. A guy at work is getting on my nerves.. I mean, there's always that one person that gets on your nerves but he seems to be doing it on purpose, especially since I first told him he was getting on my nerves.. hmm. Enough about that.. but lesse..

Oh, I almost got my a$$ whooped at work.. well, at the club (the one that's owned by the ppl I work for). I went over there because it was just next door and saw a girl that I hadn't seen in forever! I've known her since we were 8, she moved to Steel, Missouri one year when I had to go to a different Jr. High, and the last time I saw her I think we were both 15. 8 years ago.. and <whistles> she was looking /good/! I bought her a drink, she bought me one, we exchanged numbers and I plan to call her next week. That's awesome, and.. oh yeah, the ass whooping part. So I spent 4 hours at the club (when intending to spend an hour at the *most*) and I got ready to leave. In the time it took me to get from the bar to my car, there was a crowd of a few people gathered outside and one dude bigger than everybody else (by FAR) was at one end screaming at everybody, cursing and threatening them and claiming sexual acts with their mothers. I had to get involved cuz, well, I work for the people and he didn't pay his tab. I stayed back for a few moments trying to figure out what was really going on as the bouncers (heh - they get PAID to take a hit) were trying to get him in the car and for his friend to take him home. While they were talking to his friend, the guy came clomping towards me (As best he could; he was huge, I tell you!) yelling at someone else and I just said something along the lines of, "Hey, man, get in your car and go on home, you don't want to start any shit here cuz there's a cop over there and you need to calm down."

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 1 reply

8.26.04

heclec — Thu, 26 Aug 2004 22:19:17 GMT

Anybody that's like me and running a bootlegged copy of WinXP would do well to know that Service Pack 2 is now out for "automatic update" via Windows Update. Do yourself a favor and don't bother installing it because not only is it a bunch of BS but it'll probably shut your system down because of your bootlegged copy. You have been warned.

Anybody that knows anything better about the details specified above, please feel free to correct/inform me.

And now on to the ranting:

The job is going ok. My friend that got me that job in the first place.. well, I think he had it in mind to have me hired so he could try to make me look bad cuz he kept telling me to do stuff when I knew I was supposed to be doing something else and then somehow he'd get in trouble because what I was doing in the first place didn't get done. Anybody catch that? Anyway, he was trying to "clean up" and get a job at the local steel mill making like $14 and hour but after he got mad and quit I think he went right back to his old habits. I haven't even seen him since he quit and that was.. like 2 or 3 weeks ago?

And.. the place that I'm working for had a fire. The people I work for own the Steakhouse, an Italian place, and a nightclub. I was working at the steakhouse which had the fire. So they transferred me to the Italian Place where all the hell broke loose and people were laid off cuz they had nothing to do and stuff.. but I got to keep my job! I'm pretty glad about that. The people I work with tell me that I'm too happy to be there - but shit, if I'm not at work then I'm BORED so I'd almost rather be there.

Anyway, I got more to add, as usual, and I might add it later, as usual.. so, as usual, I'll be around some time.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 1 reply

8.26.04

heclec — Thu, 26 Aug 2004 22:18:47 GMT

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

?

Lilly X — Sun, 08 Aug 2004 02:07:29 GMT

Where are yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou? How are you? {:

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 3 replies

Random Rant 072504

heclec — Sun, 25 Jul 2004 09:18:31 GMT

Yeah, ok, so they only have me scheduled for 23 hours a week. Man, I ain't gettin paid shit. Only damn reason ima (try to) stay is cuz if I quit then I won't be getting paid anything at all. The jobs' not bad at all - it's just the pay. Ima be lucky to be getting $200 every two weeks. I'm really not complaining, I'll just be saving pennies for a long time...

The "mama" Greek lady bitched me out today - tells me every goddamn day to sweep and mop a certain area of the restaurant. I do it like 2 or 3 times a day. Today, she took me back there and told me that I haven't done it in 4 days. It gets dirty back there, I mean, really. I have no idea how it couldn't have been *apparent* that I at least swept it. So anyway, she said "YOU DO THIS - THERE NO BUSINESS!" I decided not to backtalk and just grabbed the broom and stuff and did it again anyway. Then right after she said NO BUSINESS, we fucking had a rush and people were running everywhere and one of the waitresses fucking slipped and fell on the wet floor. Then the same lady that wanted me to mop that very fucking floor bitched me out cuz the floor was wet. <tsk>

Is it apparent that it's getting to me? This is why I try to stay in my house a lot because people fucking piss me off. Either they're acting ignorant or they think you're ignorant.

However, one of the perks of the job, if I so choose to use the priviledge, is I get to go to "the club." I mean, it's not really my thing to "go clubbin," but the people that own the restaurant also own an nightclub and I get in free and get discounted, or often free, drinks which is alright. I don't want to go most nights but end up getting talked into it. Well, once I went cuz I knew that a certain girl was going to be there and last night I just got really trashed after work and was like, "Yeah, sure, I'll go," and had the best time I've had there so far.

There's one waitress that works up there that's really cool but she's about a ditz. She reminds me a lot of somebody I once knew - maybe that's why I like her. Well, she reminds me of these twins that each had a different "look" and she looks like a combination of the two of them.

It's like 2a and I gotta be at work at 11. That sucks. I should go to bed now.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 1 reply

Random Rant 072004

heclec — Wed, 21 Jul 2004 02:56:46 GMT

I got a job working for these Greeks at a local steak house. It's them ("Mama" and "Papa") and their 4 sons and 1 very beautiful daughter. They had an ad in the paper, I called and they said, "You come in Friday at 7p." Wow, never even met me.

I've been working like crazy for these people. I'm really just glad to have a job again. It's nice getting out of the house and making money! Even if it is.. washing dishes for 5.50 and hour. At least.. I think that's about what I'm getting paid. I have no idea, really. Guess I should find out before my first check after two weeks and 70+ hours of work comes to like $110. Ooh, I'll be pissed.

I've been using Linux a lot more. Windows is really acting up bad on me lately and it's frustrating. The cable company tells me it's my Virtual Memory (which is horse shit) or a virus (bzzt - nope). I formatted my computer when it happened the first couple of times and it still happened afterward. They told me I should run a virus-scan (check), check for spyware (check), and/or try installing more RAM. Pssht. Hell no. Why do that when I could switch to Linux and eliminate the problem?

Well ... I don't know too much about Linux but I learn a little more everyday. All my "standard" applications don't work in Linux which is a pain in the ass but I'm surprised that if I look around I either find a free version or a perfectly suitable replacement. About 2 years ago I tried Mandrake Linux version 8-point-something and had Corel 11 which is dual platform Mac/Windows but NOT Linux. I looked around at the Corel website and found the Corel Photo Suite version /nine/ and it was totally free. Problem was, I wasn't as Linux savvy then (duhrr, like I am now <rolls eyes>) and couldn't figure out how to install it for the life of me. It's not a matter of just clicking the self-extractor and hitting "Next >, I Agree, Next >, Next >, OK." It's more like:

-Extract the file
-Open a command window in the directory
-Type './configure' to do some script bullshit
-Type 'make' then 'make install'

Then if you're lucky and have all the dependencies it will finish and you're done but if not... then you have to..

-Download the dependencies
-Try to install them
-Hopefully not find out that you need dependencies for the dependencies

Or, as I have learned, you could just run "apt-get" (don't know what it means, just know what it does and that it works) and it will pretty much install or update anything you're looking for. It's not perfect, as I have learned, and 'aptitude' is even better cuz it gives you options of things to install. (Oh, btw, in Linux, whether you like it or not, a lot of things are done in a command-line window, aka a "shell." Lots of texty-stuff kinda like an oldskool DOS window.)

There's lots of reasons for a geek like me to like Linux. apt-get is very useful but I got happy installing software and now my lil'ol 4GB partition is stuffed. One thing I need to learn about is this business about "compiling the kernel" which I know and understand it's dangerous but I desperately need to learn the process because, Jesus, my system boots so slowly. Even though it's not necessary to reboot so much in Linux, I do have need for Windows still and when THAT locks up (bloody hell) then I usually go straight back to Linux. But it looks for hardware that's not there and/or tries to install already-installed hardware multiple times. Also, I seem to have accidentally activated a bunch of bullshit network utilities and it's always looking to 'bind' to some certain servers which I don't have and that alone take like 5 minutes. If I could figure out how to make it just do what it's got to do and STOP then it'd all be gravy.

On the same note (pretty much), I have no knowledge of any-such thing as a "startup" list or.. well whatever you want to call it. The list of crap like in Windows that shows you what all loads at boot time? Yeah, well I usually go into Windows every so often and tweak that list. I dunno how to do that in Linux (which I also think is tied-in with the kernel configuration).

Blah blah, I know it's a bunch of nonsense shit. It's a rant after all.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 4 replies

Random Rant 071204

heclec — Mon, 12 Jul 2004 11:49:58 GMT

Hrm.. ok. Since I got my cable connection I, for some reason, was never able to get it to work over Ethernet in Windows. I knew that if I wanted to get it to work at all in Linux then my only option would be connection via Ethernet.

I'm still quite the Linux novice but I'm not completely ignorant when it comes to the workings of an OS. To make a long story short, after an entire day of trying, I finally got my internet going in Linux. In fact, I'm in Mandrake right now after trying in Knoppix (Live CD) and Topologilinux (version of Linux that runs safely on an existing DOS/Windows partition). I'll admit, I didn't go to all the exteremes that I did in those other versions.. maybe if I hadn't been so lazy but I finally resorted to a "last resort."

Only problems I seem to be having are lack of almost any sort of software that I know how to use and setting up and installing software in Linux is quite the pain in the arse, as I have found in the past. I think I'm going to need to download Firefox/Mozilla because this.. whatever (Konqueror?) web browser I'm using is having LOTS of problems with Tribe - off and on. I understand that Linux is supposed to be "more stable" .. and I know enough about computers, programming, and I have enough general knowledge about Linux to know that it ain't perfect and that Konqueror is not a highly supported browser by most sites.. that, and I don't know how to use it.

I mean I dunno it's hard to explain. Some people are ignorant cuz basically they get frustrated and may give up trying. That's why we have our Microsoft purists that love to putdown Linux because.. well I dunno why. Cuz they think a bazillion-dollar company can write good software, I guess.. :P

I think I'd really like Linux but as I've said before it's a whole different demon and I haven't much patience to learn a new OS, although if I had to learn a new one I'd definitely try to make it this one. (Like there's many choices out there.)

I still say I'd like a Mac one day though. Even if it was just a cheap one to fiddle with for awhile. I almost think if I get one at all I might as well go bigtime and get somethin toppa-the-line but what if I completely abhor it? I get mixed reactions from Mac users ("You'll be glad you switched!") Windows users ("Macs are gay.") and Mac/Win users ("I use my Win for this and my Mac for that." and/or "They're both really good machines," but for the most part I get a lot more "Macs are better.") Anyway, maybe one day I'll find out.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 2 replies

Random Rant 070804

heclec — Thu, 08 Jul 2004 10:24:04 GMT

I "syndicated" my Tribe.. IOW I included a link to an XML (or RSS or whatever the heck you wanna call it) feed. I dunno why but it's kinda nifty if you have an email client or something that supports it. All my Tribe stuff from Tribes I'm "subscribed" to just come straight to my mailbox. I like it. :D

I seem to be digging myself into a hole.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 13 replies

RR 062504

heclec — Sat, 26 Jun 2004 01:29:58 GMT

I got broadband today!! Waahoo!! There's a funny story but since I'm in a hurry I'll tell it all later (at 5-something in the morning when I'm GOOD'N'PLASTERED).

My mom does karaoke tonight at the Redneck Rendevous.. no seriously it's called the "Drift-In" .. mm-hmm. <spits tobaccy> Since her husband (my stepdad coincidentally) has to work a funky shift, I get sent in to do the dirty work. I'd rather spend my Friday night alone at home than do that.

Broadband sure does make Tribin' a lot easier!!

Damn - now I won't have an excuse anymore, eh?

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 4 replies

Random Rant 061904

heclec — Sat, 19 Jun 2004 09:07:11 GMT

(I need to at least come up with a different title.)

If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, then who the hell planted them there in the first place?

Forget how many he picked; why was he even wasting his time??

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 3 replies

Random Rant 061004

heclec — Thu, 10 Jun 2004 11:13:09 GMT

Can't sleep..

But, omg, I put a new pic in the gallery.. it's both the funniest and the saddest thing I think I've ever seen in print.

I'm trying to think of some other stuff to put up as pics. I busted my digital camera (which wasn't worth a damn anyway) so I can't take any pics. U_U and I have tons of pics that I've never even developed over the last 2-3 years and a film camera with no film. Bah.

I saw somebody today that I hoped I'd never see again. I was driving down the road and noticed a red Chevy Cavalier (that's what she drives; my car, oddly, is a blue one) coming towards me. My heart always, like, sorta skips a beat when I see a red Cavalier cuz I think for a second it might be her (meanwhile my concience is trying to decide whether I give a shit or not). As I approached it, it stopped in the road and I saw the passenger-side window rolling down and when I got next to it.. I made eye contact.. oh God it was terrifying. It was Crissy** (see footnote). A thousand thoughts ran through my head as tears welled up in my eyes. She was looking at me as if she were thinking, "Well, well, look what we have here." I tried so hard to at least say "Hey" or something to her but I think I was literally frozen stiff. I don't know why I was scared of this 4'11", 90 pound, beanpole of a female but it was like she had died and I was looking at her ghost. I finally managed to compose myself and drive away. That period of 20 seconds or so seemed to be an eternity. In that time I was able to take in every feature of her face and it was all there, in place, just as I remembered.. the smirk on her face even told me that she was a little glad to see me. I should have said something to her.. that could have been my last chance ever.. now she'll probably definitely never speak to me again.

On a different note, I want to see the new Harry Potter movie. My sister wants to see The Stepford Wives. I told her to read the book. Before you ask, yes I've read all the Harry Potter books (won, too, free, fo - FIIIIIF!).

I went karaoke-ing with my mom again tonight. Oh man, I'm gettin in a bad habit. I actually got a request to do Muddy Waters "Mannish Boy" again.. hahah~!! I also did "Suspicious Minds" .. gawd, what else? Who cares? I'm scaring myself.

Before you ask, yes I'm drunk.

A shot of Jager was SIX DOLLARS! But of course, a bottle of that stuff doesn't come cheap in the first place. Aah.. it was delicious, though. I dunno what it tastes like. Sometimes it tastes like Robitussin (blech!) but other times it tastes like a caramel apple or something. <shrug>

I'm itchy cuz when my sister moved in she brought a bunch of girly bath-stuff into the house and I can't tell her soap from mine.. and I'm allergic to certain soaps. Antibacterial soap, especially (go figure..). I'm broke out with some crap that looks like eczema or something. I feel like a bleedin' alligator.

Mark leaves on Saturday. Ima miss him. Life's gonna suck without him. I don't even really know why he's going and he doesn't have any idea what it's going to do to me when he goes. I swear I sound like my girlfriend is moving away..

My gramma has officially lost her mind! She bought me a pair of Lugz today.. which I found more humorous than much else. She bought them at a yard sale or something and they were in my size! It's actually kinda hard to find shoes, especially in my size, at a yard sale. What size? I big fat 13! And what do they say about guys with big feet?

Big feet, big.... shoes. :P

Augh! My brand new headphones have a short in them! I say brand new but they're about a month old by now. No telling what I did to them to be honest.

Damn, I had something interesting (riiight) to append but I've forgotten it. I need to go to bed but I'm probably going to go in there in a sec and fix some breakfast and get ready for a day of.. something. Maybe some last-minute bonding with Mark. I might even endure his "God! He's stupid!" cousin for a day. A favorite phrase I like to use in describing him is "Ya gotta scrape the stupid off 'im!" Hah - it just sounds funny if it IS lame.

** Regular readers/posters and/or people that IM me know this story. Crissy was my last girlfriend 5 or so years ago. Things were great between us and I adored her til the day that she painted a picture that said "I love You." It was the first time she'd ever said it in any "medium;" all the times I'd said it to her she had only laughed it off and was like, "I know, I know." I smiled and nodded at the painting, not knowing what else to say and trying to respond as casually to her "three little words" as she had always done to mine. She ran away crying.. I still have the painting somewhere.. but the relationship went downhill from there. Then one day at school I heard her tell one of her friends, "I just think he's disgusting!" and I felt betrayed or something. I ignored her from that point on and haven't spoken to her since.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 2 replies

Random Rant 060804

heclec — Tue, 08 Jun 2004 23:17:49 GMT

My computer is about to give me a hernia. It stays connected via dialup for 5 mins at a time, then the connection locks up and instead of just disconnecting, it locks up further so I have to reboot the whole computer.

Every member of my family that exists came to my house today. Geez. I think my gramma cooked everything we had to eat in the house and it looks like every dish in the cabinet is in the sink. They're all gone now, along with my gramma. Guess I'll clean up.

My sister and my nephew moved in with us, too. I think I might have mentioned that somewhere already but I can't remember.. but my nephew is 2 and he's a DEMON. and my sister is a BITCH. I still don't have a job, and my only decent friend is leaving this weekend to go to Virginia. He ain't coming back - at least, not anytime soon. That totally blows. Going to see him was the only reason I had to leave the house besides going to *look* for a job so I dunno what I'm going to do. My sister drives me nuts, my gramma STAYS driving me nuts..

.. I need help.

Oh, and I keep having dreams about old girlfriends. Good dreams too.. I mean, not.. "really, really good" dreams. I had a dream last night that I woke up next to a girl that I had a crush on since the 6th grade. Of course, she was all grown up and stuff, and I was freakin out wondering why she was in my lil twin bed. I just cuddled up next to her and went back to sleep. <sigh>

.. I'm lonely too.

But that's pretty much a constant. If my name - KYLE - was an equation, 'L' would definitely be the constant for "Lonliness."

<sigh again>

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 4 replies

Random Rant 053004

heclec — Sun, 30 May 2004 09:36:43 GMT

Too drunk to say much right now...

Did that karaoke thang with my mom..

Dude, I did "Benny and the Jets" .. lol it kicked ass.

More later; bed now.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 6 replies

Random Rant 052304

heclec — Sun, 23 May 2004 09:41:25 GMT

Wow, I had fun tonight. I'm SOOO drunk.. hehehehehe.

My mom had a karaoke gig in Osceola (a town about 30 mins away from here) and I had to take her because her car was messed up and her husband (my, uhm, stepdad) had to work, so I went to help her out. The place we went to wasn't "kickin" or anything.. very small, probably about 20 people there total, but it was still a lot of fun.

After they closed up at 1a, we went to my mom's usual place that closed a 4a and I .. hehe, well I danced with a girl and then I bought her a drink and .. it was ok. <blush>

So.. uncountable beers and about 2 shots of tequila and several "cherry bombs" (maraschino cherries soaked in Pure Grain Alcohol) later, I'm back at home and I think .. I think I had a pretty good time overall and I get to do it all again next weekend because there's another karaoke gig next week which my stepdad will be absent from.

Cheers!

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 5 replies

Random Rant 051304

heclec — Thu, 13 May 2004 06:25:35 GMT

Uhmm.. grr.. I have a headache. I guess that's a good way to start.

I stay coming on and off the web for days at a time. This time it's because I haven't felt so well, which is pretty much the same as.. whenever the last time I 'ranted,' but I've felt so much better today than I have in awhile. I forked out and bought a foamy mattress cover. What a difference it makes when you sleep on "an uncomfortable metal-spring mattress." Who needs a "Tempurpedic" mattress when it's all just friggin foam? Normally I wake up all stiff like I need a massage or something but today I felt quite nice after such a comfortable rest. I guess getting a good night's sleep really does do wonders.

Anybody else diggin The Matrix? I finally got to see the 2nd and 3rd installments and I gotta say, "Wow." That's some deep shit, and on many levels - I guess it just depends on how you think about it. Of course, it's nothing to take seriously --- it IS only a story after all.

Speaking of stories, I've been reading the Harry Potter books (heh, for the second time). People get upset and take THAT stuff seriously, let me tell you. Everyone from the parents to the kids. If you've ever read even one of them you may know what I'm talking about. The parents get upset because it teaches "pagan" beliefs to their children and kids take the stuff seriously cuz they start trying to learn "magic." I don't want to get into anything too serious but IT'S ONLY STORIES. They are fantasy stories just like Lord of the Rings - I read those but I don't think midgets are hobbits as I search for the "one ring" and an ageless race lies quietly amongst the world's forests altering history in ways that we don't know or understand. People REALLY take things WAY too seriously.

Boooooring.. I'm bored. So.. I guess I'm going to lie down and try reading. I guess this rant was kind of .. uhm .. empty? Ain't what it coulda been except that I really wasn't in the mood to rant, to tell the truth. Oh well...

Matrix, Harry Potter, still sick. Oh yeah, and broadband is FINALLY avaliable at my house. THANK GOD. ($40 for 2nd phoneline + ISP fee = $40/mo for cable internet alone w/ free setup.* Yay!) Until later.

*: "It's the result of the equation trying to balance itself out."

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 4 replies

I hate...

heclec — Fri, 07 May 2004 08:37:07 GMT

... right now, I hate being sick. My body is sore from the top of my head down to my diaphragm from coughing so much. I can barely take a breath, much less laugh, talk, or anything else, without belting out a whooping cough. Eating is a chore when you choke on your food; drinking too. In two weeks I've gone through 2 bottles of NyQuil, one of Robitussin-DM, a whole box of Aleve Cold and Sinus, half a jar of VapoRub, and I just busted open another bottle of Robitussin - aka: Devil Piss. Jesus, did they make it taste like this on purpose? I don't think there's much that tastes worse than Devil Piss-DM.

Besides that, I haven't much to say at the moment, but you can believe that this thread in particular will become larger with time. Don't worry, chances are YOU won't be on this list. ;)

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 5 replies

Random Rant 050204

heclec — Sun, 02 May 2004 10:44:37 GMT

Well, well.. I sat here for the longest time reading shitloads of postings and almost forgot completely to post in my own. Well.

Everybody keeps telling me I need to get laid. Even people I just met are like, "Loosen up! You sound like you need to get laid!" ...if they had ANY idea...

I went to a bar with my dad last weekend. There are 5 "bars" and 1 "club" around here. Of the bars, 4 are redneck, 3 of THOSE being redneck AND karaoke-oriented, and the other one claims to have "an upscale crowd." Hmph - I'll get back to that in a second. As for the club, I probably wouldn't be caught dead there. I went there ONCE and the people were so "upscale" and snotty that I wanted all of them, in an instantaneous sweep brought about by my pure will, to drop dead. Aren't I kind?

Anyway, I went to the "upscale bar" with my dad last weekend and to my astonishment I *knew* half of the people there; people that I hadn't seen in YEARS! One girl in particular I had known since she/I were 11 years old. We went to the same church, I dated her best friend, we went to Jr & High School together and I thought we were cool. I called out to her from a distance of about 1-1/2 feet and she turned, looked at me, and SWATTED AT ME! Yes! She kinda reached out and halfass slapped me on the shoulder as if to mean, "What the hell, dude!? Get away from me!" like I was the fucking paparazzi hounding her. Nobody talked to me and when I tried to talk to them they acted like they didn't know me. I did see a girl that I knew from school that I always thought was cute and seemed really nice but

FOR THE LIFE OF ME I COULDN'T REMEMBER HER NAAAAAAME!!!!

All I could remember was "Lindsey" and I don't even know if that was right. <Sigh>

If anyone talked to me at all that night, it was concerning my hemp necklace (the one in the tribe-pic w/ the mushroom bead?). Everybody wants me to make them one but, damn man, I haven't the time or energy to do all of that. I should do it and sell the things cuz people always want one and God knows I could use the money. They won't get a badass glass/clay bead like the one I've got, only cheap lil WalMart ones or maybe rocks and/or crystals wrapped with wire or something - I guess I could always drill a hole through the rocks or crystals but, call me crazy, that doesn't seem "right." Know what I mean?

I love my lil nephew. He's 2yrs, 3mos and if I don't see him for a couple of days then I'm amazed at how much smarter he gets all the time. Yesterday I went somewhere and my grandma had been watching him. When I got here he was laying in a chair wrapped in a blanket and he looked like shit. I mean that to say that he looked ill, but when he saw me his lil eyes lit up and he rolled out of the chair and proceeded to follow me around the house. I was trying to grab some shit before I ran back out the door again but he followed me like a shadow until I headed out the door and started to cry when I left.. aww.

I came back only 45 or so minutes later and he was at the kitchen table eating but when he saw me, he got down from the table, grabbed a pillow and blanket, climbed into the same chair as before, threw me a pouty look, and covered his head. Obviously (obviously) he was relaying some discontent towards me.

He was at MY mom's earlier today and I had to go see him because I felt bad that he probably felt dejected because his Uncle - uh, Hectic <grin> - wouldn't have anything to do with him yesterday. He still acted sick but when he saw me this time, he was glad to see me and we played and shit until I damn-near passed out. At least 2, almost 3, hours until my sister came from work to get him. I feel I've reclaimed my place in his as-yet short life.

I'm hungry - within reach is half a dozen donuts and a bottle of whiskey - niether of which sounds appetizing nor should be at 5 in the morning. I *did* just drink a beer but nothing's stopping me from finishing off the pack I bought earlier; I owe it to myself. <laugh>

I'm getting pretty hard-up for a book to read. I haven't read a book in like a month or more and that's too long. It's probably a bit cliche to say but I love reading cuz it takes me out of this shitty, mundane hole and takes me someplace exciting. Only in my mind, unfortunately, but that's good enough for me if only for a little while.

Speaking of "exciting places in my mind," I've been having some fucked-up dreams lately.. again... as always. <dream/> I had a dream I was traveling with "The Fellowship of the Ring" and Legolas and I scouted ahead to get ganked (yeah, ganked - and not on purpose, mind you) by a huge group of Uruk-hai. Somehow (through "elven magic" perhaps? Oh wait, those are the cookie elves..) I acquired some exquisite bow mastery quite quickly and dispatched a few orcs before being cornered at a bend in the river (oh yeah, so we were following a river) leaving us with little alternative but to dive into the river and swim for our lives. </dream>

My grandpa and I had been talking about the "Philadelphia Experiment" (look it up) and later that night I dreamt that <dream/> I was a college professor, or at least I was doing a lecture of some sort, on the "PX" and for God's sake, I was making UP shit.. it was the biggest load of BS you ever heard. I remember at one point saying something about a fork scraping along a telephone line..?? Even after the sun came up and I was in that half-dream/waking state, I was still TALKING out loud to the "class" and totally BSing shit about PX. I wish I could remember what all was said cuz it seemed like I talked for hours (me? ramble?) and it was fucking hilarious but in the dream what I was saying seemed bloody BRILLIANT </dream>.

I got my MOM, of all people, turned on to anime! My dad thinks it's all stupid - but all he's ever seen is DBZ and that's.. old and lame though I still prefer it to shit on TV - but my mom watched a couple of episodes of Cowboy Bebop and Trigun with me and one day on her own she watched.....

Vampire Hunter D!

.. called me about it to tell me that she LIKED it and thought it was cool! Ok, don't get me wrong, it's cool alright but VHD is some graphic shit. I'm not sure how my mom - old-fashioned, God-fearing country girl - likes gory stuff like that and it (not VHD but just bloody, gory violence - or violence in general) makes me ill with disgust. My grampa was watching some shit the other day with a bunch of split-second clips running for about 3-minutes straight that was just all people blowing their brains out and I CRIED - YES I CRIED. Call it empathy.

That's why I can't bear to watch the news cuz it literally hurts me (on what level, I can't pinpoint) to hear about crap that happens. A little girl in Memphis got the shit beat out of her by her school principal the other day. That's just.. urrgh! I try to block it all out but "ignoring it doesn't make it go away." I see and hear about stuff like that and I just have to go to my room, shut and lock the door, curl into the fetal position, and just cry because as melodramatic as it all sounds, sometimes I feel like all the pains of the world are upon me. Like I can feel the very earth moaning at the atrocities that go on everyday. <sigh>

Armageddon? The "second coming?" "Fourth density and polarization?" Whatever you want to call it, I predict that within ten years some major world event is going to happen that's going to change things. I don't know what it is but I'm fairly sure that it won't be nuclear war, fire and brimstone, etc. It WILL be some serious shit, though, that will affect a vast majority people and they (we?) will live through it and see better days afterwards. I don't mean another 9/11.. just.. something. It might be an earthquake.. or.. it might be that I've lost my ever-loving mind.

My head is throbbing, the sun is coming up, and I've wandered into the realm of bogus-psychic claims. That means I'm so drunk that I should quit while I'm ahead and bid (all) you fine reader(s) a good day.

And remember kids:
It's ALL in your head. You're just freakin' out, man.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 1 reply

Random Rants (4/23): The Return of the Rant

heclec — Sat, 24 Apr 2004 05:05:05 GMT

On Monday of this week my friend IMs me and tells me that he formatted his computer. For what reason? Who knows - my friends are idiots (how many times have I iterated THAT!?). So I just kinda shrug and nod and I'm like "ok." What did he want me to say?

So the next day he tells me "Oh dude, I f'd something up. I have 21 viruses!" What? ... did he do? Previous to the reformat he had been running no AntiVirus and no Firewall (except for the XP one :P). AFTER the install he was running the free ZoneAlarm and the free av-prog AVG by Grisoft - both programs that I suggested. The first thing he said was "Well your miracle-AV AVG didn't get any of them but one and ZoneAlarm obviously didn't do shit."

Me: "Dude, what did you DO?"
Him: "Oh, well I was going to this website and downloading viruses to send to other people...and..."
Me: ". . . . . ... .. you fucking idiot..."
Him: "What?"
Me: "You're a fucking idiot! What were you downloading?"
Him: "Well I was downloading stuff that said it was undetectable by the lastest Anti-viruses..."
Me: "THAT'S WHY AVG CAN'T FIND IT YOU MORON!"
Him: "Oh, well.. I have nothing to lose so I might as well format again."
Me rolling eyes: "<sigh> Whatever..."

Somehow he was trying to blame this on me and my suggested programs.. retard.

I have another friend who lives in Osceola which is a town 30 miles or so from here. He's been kicked out of his house for reasons undisclosed and so trying to look for him becomes a chore since he's not just at his house. 90% of the time he's riding with a girl that owns a red Taurus. So me and idiot-boy mentioned above go there and after driving around for two hours, maybe more, I gave up and decided to go on home. On the way out of town, I saw a red Taurus of the same year and color of the one we were looking for parked at a gas station. Having already passed the gas station, I pulled in at the place next to it and thinking it was a circle drive, I did a circle only to be met by a telephone pole (not 'hit' but 'met') and the direction in which I made the circle was going towards the gas station.

So.. thinking, "Well if she or they are in the gas station then by the time I back up, get back in the street, and pull back into the gas station, that could waste precious seconds during which time they could leave.." and the car was almost literally about 10 feet away from us.

I ask idiot boy if he would run over there and see if that's them.. and he replies, "Why? It's just right there..."

I'm not really sure why, perhaps it was just maddening astonishment at his laziness, but I got irate.

!!!THAT WAS MY FUCKING **POINT**!!!

It WAS just right there and he sat there and argued with me that it was too cold, why don't I just pull around, what was the big deal, why was I getting so mad... etc, and while all that was going on the car drove away. It wasn't who we were looking for.

In a cocky-attitude sorta voice he said, "Well it wasn't them anyway so I dunno what you're so mad about." .. which was NOT the point and made my blood BOIL because, well, it could have been them and his stupid lazy ass could have walked the 120-inches over to where they COULD have been and stalled them from leaving while I moved my car over to the gas station parking lot and picked him up.

I just can't relay to you, though, how angry I was. I wanted to punch him so bad that I ended up pounding my dashboard and.. well.. busting some things in the process (not in my hand but..) - my hand still hurts.

The last straw with this guy was on Tuesday night after he reinstalled his system for the 2nd time in two days and went BACK to the website where he was getting the viruses and he had mentioned something to me about getting a Yahoo! Messenger hacker-thingy where you can boot people, flood them, and steal thier passwords if you wanted. My system is pretty much on lockdown so I wasn't worried about anything but later that night.. he was sending me IMs that were all space-padded about 20 spaces to the right.. and I asked him what he was doing. He kept saying he didn't know what I was talking about, he wasn't doing anything..

Me: "Dude - you know I'm not stupid, what are you doing?"
He continued to deny it.

Again I got increasingly angry at him to the point of threatening to come to his house and physically beat his ass (which is still up in the air). He never admitted he was doing anything but finally, "Well it's obvioius that you and I don't get along so I'll be ignoring you from now on." THANK GOD - he did me a favor. I haven't had a migraine since.

I'll admit, maybe I have a bad temper but GOD when you deal with somebody that does nothing but dumb shit all the time, what are you supposed to do? Praise them and give them damn cookie? That's not the only dumb shit he's done, either. He has the IQ of a virus in the butt of an ameoba and obvioiusly tries to make a full time job of pissing me off. Then he tries to act like he's a victim - I understand where he's coming from but he's TOO STUPID to realize that *I* am a victim of his utter idiocity.

Am I the only one? Does anyone else have a friend that's so damn stupid that you wonder why you put up with them? You want to punch them in the face hoping to knock them into a coma and do the waking-world a favor? (Straight-out killing anyone is too extreme - and illegal.) Or do I just over-react?

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 3 replies

The Passion of Rant

heclec — Mon, 29 Mar 2004 10:25:40 GMT

Gosh, ya know what? I haven't had much to complain about lately. I mean, as far as that goes, I *never really* have much to complain about but my definition of 'rant' is 'arbitrary bitching.'

Anyone have something to contribute? Aww c'mon, don't be shy. It doesn't have to be excessively gruesome, either. ;)

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 14 replies

Get your rants, vol 2

heclec — Sun, 21 Mar 2004 12:27:52 GMT

I know the other wasn't incredibly long, but this post alone is rather large.

Introduction:
This piece will evolve rather slowly into, in every aspect of the term, a "rant." However, it sort of has a point, so if you read and get to a part where you get disgusted and want to move on to something else, just please wait and ride this thing out. It might just make you angry, some of it, but I want somebody to know how I feel, even if you don't reply, even if you don't really even care, I want somebody to read this. You might not even think it's a big damn deal. Nonetheless... comments are welcome and appreciated, no matter if they're in bitter retaliation or in humble agreement. My sanity is waning, in a way. I know this is long. Just ride it out, please.
~~~~~
I just finished Dean Koontz "By the Light of the Moon" today. I read about 20 pages of it, having never read Koontz before, and didn't find it interesting. Then, several days later, some crazy shit started happening in the story and I couldn't put it down; it took me a total of probably 10 hours to read the entire rest of the book. (I read kinda slow on purpose cuz I like to absorb what's going on.)

That book had a lot of ideas that could have been influential if I didn't already think that way:

"All of humanity might be fallen from grace, but far too many among humankind eagerly embraced darkness, sowed the earth with cruelty and fed on the misery of others, falling farther still, down and down, *thrilled* by the plummet."

That's a quote from near the end of the book, when the characters involved had time to properly and thoroughly evaluate *their* situation, which had changed drastically a mere day before. I've been brooding on this idea for the past 5 years or so.

I went from being happy and at-peace with the world to having a job, which was very satisfying at the time, until I LOST the job when the guy I worked with came in pilled out and I had to do most of the route on my own, resulting in coming back to the warehouse 2 hours later than usual. That's bad. So again, I'm sans job and in the meantime I think I have become bitter and depressed again. In my CD player, I had Smashing Pumpkins "Siamese Dream" and Alien Ant Farm "Anthology" and .. God, this is embarassing what happened next.

Well, as I'm sure many of us do, my thoughts wander aimlessly, all the time. When I'm listening to music, a song at a particular moment in time can have different effects on my train of thought, what I intrepret the song to mean, and my emotions, often simultaneously. Track 7 on the Smashing Pumpkins CD, even though I often fail to distinguish anything else said, I always hear "I'm all by myself." Ooh .. ouch. That stung me in the heart as a terrible reminder of lonliness. Ouch, shit, oww. Then, having the 3-discer on 'random,' it afterwards played the Alien Ant Farm song titled "Flesh and Bone," which sounds like a song about spirituality (it's quite obvious, actually). Being as that's something in my life I've all but abandoned, I began to cry at the lyric "I feel that I belong, and I trust you and I love you," having my grandmother in mind. Then other lyrics went on to say "I'll be still right here.. remember who built your home, I built you flesh and bone [ME: thinkin about the actual biological link my g'ma and I share]... and I'm torn between halos, demons. all these words with cryptic meanings... all these issues and mixed up feelings, and I have to choose.." This all pertaining to the fact that I live somewhere I don't want to and I have to get somewhere away from all this.. and still having my grandmother, or my entire family in general, in mind I know that they're the only reason I really stay here anymore when I have other things to do, other places to go. I bawled.. hard.

Then I went back and replayed the entire song, to see if there was something I was perhaps missing (as if I wasn't miserable enough for the moment), and well, here's the entire song:
~~~
This moisture slides from my eyes
It glistens, it glistens
There's nowhere left to go now
If you'll teach me, I'll listen
Our favorite time for mistakes
In salt lakes, we all shake
Consider me your apprentice
Repentant, yet hesitant

Please show me a sign
Come inside, kneel
Remember who built your home
I built you flesh and bone

This image comes from somewhere
Who is it? Spiritual visit.
Coincidence is one thing
Overwhelming immaculate timing
Everything we had is gone
Something new has come up strong now
I feel that I belong
and I trust you, and I love you

Please show me a sign
Come inside, kneel
Remember what you hear,
And I'll be still right here
Come inside, kneel
Remember who built your home
I built you flesh and bone

and I'm torn between halos, demons
All these words with cryptic meanings
Seperate seasons
All these issues and mixed up feelings
And I have to choose..
And I have to choose..

Everything we had is gone
Something new has come up strong, now
I feel that I belong
and I trust you, and I love you

Please show me a sign
Come inside, kneel
Remember what you hear
and I'll be still right here
Come inside, kneel
Remember who built your home
I bulit you flesh and bone

Come inside, look around
I'll lift you off the ground
I snapped your ribs, made a lover
So you could share each other
Come inside, kneel

Remember.....
~~~
Trying to ignore the religious undertones, this song can be interpreted many different ways, if you ask me. At one time, I imagined it as a song from a father ("Father") to a son for the son to acknowledge the bond they had. Of course, NOT ignoring the undertones, you kinda still get the same thing, ya know?

So anyway, I called my youth pastor from the church that I'm a "member" of but haven't been to in 7 years or so. She's known me since I was like 8, and I trust speaking to her about a lot of things. But having a discussion with HER, theological or otherwise, was impossible because she's a sweet ol' southern baptist lady and everytime I tried to pose a theoretical, hypothetical, or rhetorical question to her, the answer was always, "Well that's just Satan gettin in your head," etc, etc; then followed by a "All I can say is you need to come to church and get right again with God." Urrrgh! True or not, that's not what I wanted to hear. I was trying to actually challenge her faith but she wouldn't let me. I wasn't trying to do it out of any disrespect whatsoever, but I was just trying to say, "What if?" and she'd say, "No 'if,' God."

Religion is the only thing that's based on faith, and I think Alanis Morrisette said it best when she said:

We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
We all had delusions in our head
We all had our minds made up for us
We had to believe in something
So we did

But SHIT! "What if" there's a God!? "What if" we're wasting our lives by NOT going to church (and practicing faithfully, not just being there)? "What if" all religions are just the same damn thing based on the same basic damn principles and practicing one or the other is all good in God's eyes? "What if" the apocalypse was just someone predicting a nuclear attack that destroys humanity? "What if" the rapture came in the middle of me takin a dump? Huh? What then? The "answers" are all in The Bible (supposedly) but "what if" **that** is just a product of some guy's over-active imagination!? "What if," a la Dogma, Alanis Morrisette herself is God?

Merry fuckin Christmas everybody. See you in hell, after I open my presents and not give a shit about the birth of Christ in the meantime, which I've been told I should be highly thankful for. (Bit of sarcasm there, not to be taken offensively.)

The world is in decline, our modern civilization is failing, and in my pessimism, if the bomb dropped right now, I might be happy for my flesh to be searing as darkness took me away from this wad of crap called Earth.

But at the same time, with "all that's green and good in this world," there's still so much hope, so much love, so much to live for. And in my pessimism, I still hold on to that, hoping for a brighter day to come.

God, if you're listening, "Help."
(Not to be taken humorously as a quote from Half-Baked.)

Peace to my peeps, joy to the world, and may you fare well wherever you fare. <sobs quietly>
~~~~~
Epilouge:
I don't know what this sounds like to anyone. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to get at, even though I promised a "point." You can't have discussions about things such as these without causing a riot, it would seem, and trying to find anyone intelligent in a chat room is just a rediculous idea. So I talk to myself, using this Tribe as an outlet for my infinitessimal frustrations, joys, fears, and hopes. Thank you for wasting your time with me. Goodnight.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 10 replies

hpy bday @ me

heclec — Sun, 07 Mar 2004 10:08:41 GMT

3/7 is my birthday. Whoopty doo. I'm 23.

My mom got me LOTR:Two Towers, the Extended Edition. I also ended up with a Dean Koontz book (By the Light of the Moon) and 40 dollars. Just finished the movie (it was 3 hrs, 43 mins long!!) and I'm about to crack the book. Had no company yesterday (Sat), prolly will have a little today (Sun), and there will be a strawberry cake with strarberry icing. THAT I'm excited about.

As I carefully place my new DVD next to ExtEd of the first LOTR, I decide that I'm probably just going to spend today playing video games or something. I can play a lot of games in one day with an emulator and a fast forward button. Wish me luck on:

Final Fantasy Mystic Quest
Final Fantasy 2 (or 4, however you wish to place it)
Final Fantasy 3 (or 6, however you wish to place it)
Chrono Trigger
and "Sieken Densetsu 3" or "Secret of Mana 2"
.. at least I think that's right. Prolly not.

Actually, I'm prolly not going to crack the book until I finish that task. ^_^ (Looks thoughtfully at "The Silmarillion") This is going to be such a waste of a day..

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 4 replies

If you're new --

heclec — Mon, 01 Mar 2004 08:43:01 GMT

Lilly has joined us, and hopefully Arisa will also be coming in.

This is basically my blog. That's the simplest way to put it.

Be afraid.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 7 replies

Get your rants here!

heclec — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 10:01:40 GMT

OH MY GAWD. I just got finished catching up to all the Tribe-reading that I didn't do all that time I was AWOL. Now I feel I can adequately post on my own tribe, and all further rants will be placed here, cuz nobody seems to reply to them so they might as well all be in one place, eh? Not only that, but I have failed enormously at "ranting" everyday, but I get plenty out vocally during a regular day so I run out of things by the time I get in front of the computer at night.

What do I do when I'm not on Tribe? I visit my friends, mostly. Then I remember that my friends are idiots and not really worthy to be considered friends, so I come back home and sit here by myself with my tribelings to keep my company. It's kinda like "Everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came" and if they're not, then they don't tell you that. They just listen to what your goofy ass has to say anyway and ignore it if it's ignorant, which is fine.

All my good friends live in other towns, but I have plenty of others right here <places hands around computer monitor>.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 14 replies

Poet's Corner

heclec — Tue, 17 Feb 2004 11:12:43 GMT

I dedicate this to all my friends that I've lost touch with.

"When We Meet Again" by G. Love & The Special Sauce

Springtime is here, and the wind from the south
Blows strong and warm to clean out your house
The sun has arisen and the lies that were told are
Driven outside with the freezing cold
I can remember a spring just like this
I was 19 yrs. old
Now the time is sorely missed
The first year that I left my mother’s house
Out to make my way in this world somehow

I can’t believe how the times they have changed
All the dreams that came true still seem so far away
I remember the days sittin’ on the front porch with
The sun beatin’ down in my neighborhood

I’d sit out all night singin’ songs to the moon
Or try and get some sweet honey back to my bedroom

My friends they were few but to me they were true
All we was trying to do was just to make it thru
Always thought for the future, but we shouldn’t have cared
All the best things in life we shared them right there

So to all those old friend God be with them
I wish, I wish I could see you again
In the same corner bar where it all started from
Dig your plow so deep now the stars have all gone
So wherever they shine may it be warm and bright
Out to ease my mind on this worried night
It all seemed so simple and good tidings I send
I’ll never forget that one year that we spent

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 6 replies

Make Hec feel vulnerable!

heclec — Wed, 04 Feb 2004 01:31:25 GMT

I like this question and answer idea. It's kinda like playing Truth or Dare except I don't get a turn to ASK, and I suck at coming up with questions anyway. It's like my own little press conference! So ask away people.

That especially means those of you that don't write ANYTHING.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 10 replies

For a laugh --

heclec — Mon, 01 Mar 2004 09:24:30 GMT

Let's see.. uh.. when I was 16 I was in a punk band that was only popular in and around my hometown. We were called "Sodajerk." We used to play parties and STUPID things like once we did some "teen dance" - the kind to "keep kids outta trouble, off the streets" etc. Just take a peek at the page, cuz it's got pics of us (me when I was younger - I'm the 'big' one with the Beatle haircut), a "Jerk of the Week" and WAV soundclips of what we sounded like. We were in the process of recording a demo - yes! It would have been great if the guitarist didn't run off to Florida with some little floozy.. or whatever happened.

http://www.fortunecity.com/tinpan/loadedave/676/

This page is over 6 years old and untouched in all that time. I almost hope it stays that way.

Just a little peek into what makes me "me."

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 6 replies

I'm still around

heclec — Mon, 23 Feb 2004 19:21:14 GMT

It's 2/23. For those that wonder, I'm still around. I've just kinda been lurking around on the threads after I was absent for a couple of days. That, and I was drunk all weekend so didn't want to rish saying anything ignorant. I'm surprised it didn't happen anyway..it's happened before. I'm listening to Radiohead today. I'm gonna read through some more threads... maybe reply as I deem necessary.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 2 replies

Ok so I got bored

heclec — Sun, 15 Feb 2004 11:22:46 GMT

After the quite somber previous post, I decided to do something kinda fun (?) but mostly because I'm bored: in an effort to get you guys to know me a little better, I'm going to describe my bedroom.

Directly in front of me (south wall) is my computer desk.. it's nothing special, just a vertical stand with shelves above my monitor full of books, monitor beneath surrounded by speakers and cluttered papers, complete with a document stand and keyboard drawer. Below all that, on a shelf under the desk is more books and 3 shoeboxes full of notebooks full of stuff I've written..

Going to the right, I have this 3-necked adjustable lamp that I just got that I think is groovy, and then my bed which at the moment is a disarrayed pile of bedclothes. The bed pretty much lines the entire west wall of my room.

On the north wall, directly beyond the bed, you'll find the door. This is what I use to go in and out of the room. (:P) and going to the right, you'll find a chair stacked with CD cases, and again to the right, another door. This door does not go anywhere except if you close it behind you, you'll probably get suffocated because I have more clothes than a lot of girls I know. Actually, you probably can't even clothes (ahahaaa) the door because the closet is full of clothes, then I have racks on the front and back of the door full of clothes.

Then there's the east wall. In the corner next to the closet is a TV stand that oddly enough does not hold a TV but a plant that's going to die. It's not dead yet, but I can't keep a sponge healthy (one you clean with, not one fresh out of the ocean, which technically they're the same thing except one is actually ALIVE) so it'll die eventually. To the right of that is my dresser which contains my socks, underwear - yeah, stuff that goes in the dresser. It's covered all over the top with CD cases and a CD rack and various papers and folders full of documents. To the right of THAT, there's my.. uh it's a table. I can't describe it except it's a table with a single wide drawer in the front. Contained in the drawer is more bullshit papers and on top of the desk is EVERYTHING I OWN practically. My scanner is on the far left, then my TV is on a little pedestal that I have my laptop slid-in underneath. I actually have a desk on top of my table that serves as a shelf that my TV fits nicely underneath and on the shelf is my DVD "collection" (Fellowship of the Ring: Platinum Edition, and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone - whoopty doo), my DVD player, and my printer. Over behind the TV I have these 3 little matching tables stacked on top of each other to kinda make a bookshelf but despite the shit strewn all over the room, the shelves are bare except for a $10 CD-player stereo sitting on top that seldom gets used.

I have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle border around the ceiling, too, but it was here when I moved in - I SWEAR.

Wow what a waste of time. For me? For you? Whatever. I had actually thought about going into more detail but I can fill the details by saying RANDOM TRASH. There's gunk and junk of every describable nature all over my room from candy bars to candy bar wrappers to soda cans, A/V wiring, electrical shit, papers/documents (not important, I hope, eh?), magazines.. everything.

I hope you enjoyed this little ... description. Anybody that might have gotten some bad impression, let me let you know that when other people are involved in the household, I'm a much neater person, but I think what I do in my room is my own business.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 1 reply

Random Rant 021704

heclec — Tue, 17 Feb 2004 07:56:02 GMT

Well piss. I was on Tribe all day and completely forgot to post a daily in my own tribe.. I guess I'm not the only one gradually forgetting about it.. :P

No, I'm kidding. I know there are regular readers, but it's not like anything I talk about is really enthralling. Mostly, it's just personal rubbish that spouts out of my fingertips..I might as well go back to doing my blog.

I need to try to go to bed early cuz I have things to do tomorrow, but I have a feeling that it won't happen; going to bed, I mean. I have so much that I want to do with myself RIGHT NOW that I can't without the proper resources. Oh well, that should just be all the more motivation for me to get off my ass and actually do something about it.

I RREALLLY wish I had a girlfriend. Just for the company, even. I know I know, this seems to be a running theme in this tribe. I just have a problem talking to girls, and in this town I definitely have a problem meeting them. When the only local social rendezvous points consist of redneck karaoke and a selection of 3 domestic beers...... ugh. Not to mention, half the girls that go to those places are either married, stupid, only have half their teeth, or are just plain bitches that think they can find something better.

I'm not a bad catch, dammit, if I must say so myself. And girls, in this area, you're not going to get much better than me. I have a few neurotic tendencies (don't we all) and I might not fit the sickeningly perfect physical repertoire that most girls are looking to get up on.. but I have at least half a brain in my head. I don't have the best articulation, but when I can get a word out I usually have something decently interesting to say. I'm a virgin too, but that hardly bears any credibility for anything anymore, and I'm selfless when it comes to intimacy.

Anyway, anyway - back to... ya well I just can't initiate conversation with a girl. What do you say that's not a lame pickup line? I guess a typical "Hi" works, eh?

I can count the number of girls I've kissed on one hand:

Abby in the 5th grade
Natalie in the 7th-9th
Crissy in the 10th-12th
Katrina in a little fling last summer

Blah.

You ever write a whole big post and then kinda hope that not many people will read it, then in fear that they might, you delete and re-edit a lot of it?

Blah.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 1 reply

Happy Valentines day Hectic!

The Dolly-Lama — Sun, 15 Feb 2004 01:47:04 GMT

XOXOXO

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 3 replies

Random Rant 021504

heclec — Sun, 15 Feb 2004 10:48:06 GMT

Well shit.. I had this whole long rant written out and I'll be damned if my browser didn't close itself in some digital spasm that made me lose it and everything else I was writing. Whore.

For anyone that didn't get an invite, I apologize, but I have started a new tribe called "Hillrod" that's to help spread the word about a band that some of my friends are in. Check it out.

hillrod.tribe.net

And now, on with our regularly scheduled ranting:

A girl I knew from high school was brutally murdered in June 2000. There were no suspects, or witnesses. We knew that she was with her boyfriend the night she turned up missing, and her body was found 3 days later raped and beaten in a nearby drainage ditch. I remember when it happened, I was in the town of the school that her and her boyfriend went to, and one of her best friends told me about it.. my jaw dropped. I didn't know what to do and she was so sweet and smart and had a lot going for her; she didn't deserve that to happen to her. Over the years they've run investigations and everything, and just the other day somebody called the police station and told them that a clue to solving the murder had been slipped into her coffin - and so they EXUMED THE BODY and didn't find jack-squat. People call the police station all the time giving bunk tipoffs about the case. I wish they'd just leave the poor girl alone. I mean, I know her parents want to know who did it and get their revenge/justice, whatever, but it's not going to bring the girl back.

What the hell drives people to do such meanass shit like kill? I can't even go hunting because I can't bring myself to shoot an animal, much less a person. I can't watch the news because I just cry.. it's so upsetting to hear about things that people do to each other. Just once I wish they'd have a story in the news about something cool or happy:

"In a slight change of content, today we're gonna talk about GOOD shit that happened. In Brazil a man regained his sight thanks to occular implants....in Arkansas a man and woman unable to have children adopted a newborn and they are very happy...in Ethiopia, a freak incident involving food jettisoned from an aircraft caused it to rain meat, bread, fruit and various other rations all over the area - enough to feed everyone in the poverty-stricken country for the next entire year..."

I might actually cry for joy if that ever happened. In fact, I'm crying now at the mere prospect of it. (yeah, really) I hate watching the news and being so mad at what I see I could burst, and I really can't do anything about it. The world is just the way it is, I suppose. All I can worry about is myself (#1) and my friends and what's going on in my immediate vicinity. Maybe if I had uber-mega-globs of money I could make a difference...

"God, let me win the lottery so I can prove to you that it won't spoil me."

My gramma has that on a magnet on her fridge. I always felt like if I had a lot of money, I'd try to help other people. They say, though, that money is power and power corrupts, so I just might end up a greedy money-hoarding tycoon. Might just be my, uh what? my ego? talking, but I really don't think that would happen.

Mandy, I'd bring you back if I could. :'[

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 1 reply

Random Rant 021404

heclec — Sun, 15 Feb 2004 06:14:01 GMT

I failed to post a topic for VD, but it doesn't really matter I guess. I didn't do anything today except go to Memphis and have a couple of drinks alone in a bar on Beale. I met a girl, had a bit of conversation, but that's about it - nothing special.

Hope some of the rest of you had an ok time.

April, how did your "Red Dress Heartbreaking" work out? lol

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

Don't ever be this way...

heclec — Fri, 13 Feb 2004 11:19:08 GMT

Sometimes lessons are learned the hard way.

I'm worried about my friends. I think they're hooked on cocaine, but they won't admit it, or they're lying. If you're hooked on coke, though, you'll lie in a heartbeat and not give a shit. I know one of em is hooked on coke, hell he's smoking crack, and him I'm worried about the most but after awhile you just can't DO anything for anybody anymore. You tell them to stop, you're worried about them, they should get help.. but this guy, he acted like he was getting help, but it was all just a scam to get more fucking crack. That's when I had to drop him; I felt guilty doing it, but when they don't get the point the first 50-times around, then fuck em.. I guess.

Now my other friend, he abandoned the first guy whenever I did, but he made a mistake: he did coke with him once. Cocaine is the kind of drug that you think about at certain times, and when you do you sorta jones for it. Well, buddy #2 has the willpower of a bran flake and he started finding hookups around where he lived for the shit and now he doesn't call me unless he thinks I have money.. uh huh. And if I voluntarily go to see him, and he happens to find out I have money, he says something about getting a gram. Last time I talked to him he was sniffling over the phone.. now, it's winter and there's colds and bugs going around, but I know... you know.. so I ask,
"Are you sick and sniffling or are you just sniffling?"
"Oh, uh, I'm just sick man.. been sick all week."

Then he doesn't call me for a few days; the next time I see him, he's at his cousin's who just got paid. He wouldn't be there if he didn't know his cousin just got paid. So I'm worried about him too now. And btw, buddy #1 and #2 are both cousins. The cousin mentioned in this paragraph - well, he tried da blow once and decided it wasn't for him.

God DAMMIT coke and crack are stupid. Cocaine makes you feel weird and zippy for about 20 minutes MAX and crack makes you feel like you're shooting straight up into the sky... for 10 seconds.. then you grit your teeth and you think "GIMME ANOTHER HIT" but you already burned your rock out. How do I know!? Cuz I tried the dumb shit. I was on coke for like 4 months barely over a year ago and I did crack 3 times til I was like, "Oh hell, I've got problems" and had the willpower enough to walk away and I haven't touched the shit since... good fucking riddance. I know I easily spent $1000 or more and lost a job in that time. When you can't wait to get off work so you can hit a line, you have a problem. Of course, I kinda think the same thing about people that "have to have" a cigarette every 5 minutes.

Buddy #1, he's been on the shit ever since. I can't say it's his fault, but he's had neurotic ass, drug-related psychoses before concerning meth and pot - POT of all things! A girl got him addicted to coke. It was the kind of relationship like - well, you ever hear about "sucking dick for coke?" Like on Half-Baked, I think it was mentioned? Well, that's what she did.. and they were 'in love.' Right.

Buddy #1 went to TX to .. live I guess. He's back in town this week, and I dunno if he's trying to go back or what. I saw him today and his eyes were all red and he was talking like he'd been crying. Since I quit talking to him, he's been acting like he's heartbroken and I'm just plain cruel.

I'M FUCKING HEARTBROKEN TOO! YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO WATCH SOMEBODY YOU CARE ABOUT FUCK UP!? AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY THEY CARE MORE ABOUT THE FUCKING DRUGS THAN THE FACT THAT YOU GIVE A SHIT!? <sob>

He was probably thinking about what he was doing to himself, his friends, and his family - and if he wasn't he should have been. I'd have been crying too . . . .

I've lost 3 friends so far. The first one: the first one fucking died. The 2nd one was a girl that went straight bitch on me for no reason except that she thought she needed another line. The 3rd.. I dunno, maybe he's coming around but I still say '3' until I know for sure. Now I'm in danger of losing a fourth.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 1 reply

Random Rant 021204

heclec — Thu, 12 Feb 2004 07:57:10 GMT

It's messed up and
Now I have to fix it
Don't tell me not to be pissed
It's all because you
Fucked with it in the first place

Now you tell me how I should do it
Last time I checked,
I was a big boy
And could wipe my own ass

I tried to help but
I guess it wasn't good enough
So I try to stay out of the way
And now I'm good-for-nothing

Why are you hiding
Girl of my dreams?
Don't blame me for being so skiddish
After all the others were so cruel

I wish I were a kid again
Nothing to worry about
Nothing to write about
Oblivious to all that
Hurts, hates, is ignorant

Before my world broke in two

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 4 replies

Random Rant 021304

heclec — Fri, 13 Feb 2004 11:51:34 GMT

Woohoo, it's Friday the 13th and I somehow could care less. I was just now rocking out to a little Green Day (Burnout) and it's 3:30 in the morning! I should be in bed, but after my night last night I guess I'm just going to stay awake til tomorrow. I have videos to return, phone calls to make, and the like.

(Now playing: "Sheep go to Heaven, Goats go to Hell" by Cake)

I've been trying to get into DeVry for the past year. I mean, I don't have to *try* cuz I'm practically already there except for this little matter of $800 for me to move to Alpharetta, Georgia near the campus. Oh well.. but I got a phone call on Wednesday that said if I get all the particulars in order before the end of the month, then I could opt for online classes, which is awesome cuz I don't have to move anywhere at all and still learn what I want to. Why the end of the month? Well I put in my application and paid my fees and EVERYTHING last year and the lady said all that was still valid til March 2nd. After that, all the apps, fees, paperwork, test results and all basically go down the drain.

(Now playing: "Holding 60 Dollars on a Burning Bridge" by Death by Stereo)

I have to return a, well I said 'video' but it's really a 'video game.' "Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic" on Xbox. It's the best RPG and Star Wars game I think I've ever played. What you choose to do in that game actually has bearing on the outcome, which is a nice kick in the pants to the RPG genre.

(Now playing: "Independent Love Song" by Scarlet)

I LOVE THIS FUCKIN SONG. It's weird to admit that the first time I heard this song, I was watching an interpretive dancer that was dancing.. to this song. It gave me goosebumps, especially during the chorus:

"I'll show you how to take me, could I?
I'll show you how to turn me right on.
I'll show you how to touch me."

It's not JUST the words, it's the serious-ass passionate way that it's delivered. <shivers> GOOSEBUMPS! ARGH! Man, I'm in a weird mood right about now. I'm tired and I smell like stale smoke cuz I've been at my mom's and my mom, stepdad, and brother all smoke... it stinks.

(Now playing: "Don't Make Me Prove It" by Veruca Salt)

Speaking of goosebumps, these gals here give me 'em. (Give me goosebumps, and the girls!) <skips to "Yeah Man"> Yes, this is the song.

"I know you in the dark by the way your hands sprawl me apart... I know you've placed your bets by the way you like to watch me sweat.. cuz you're my 'Yes man,' nobody else can, you're my left hand, right hand man - you won't let me down, down baby. Take me hot and hazy, leave me limp and lazy; you can't save me."

Oh mayn! Then at the end of the song, all the faux-cries of extacy.. I just felt myself blush. <shivers again>

Well this little rant contains nothing coherent, but that's why it's random, you son of a bitch. Hah, ok laugh, I was joking. I thought I'd throw that in.

(Now playing: "I Try" by Macy Gray) <skip>
(Now playing: "Hi & Lo" by .moe) <skip>
(Now playing: "I'll be Seeing You" by Billie Holiday)
...now we're talkin.

These old-timey songs make me wish I lived back then. Does it cross anybody else's mind that the times that we live in are terrible? <saddens> I think about that a lot. I don't like technology, capitalism... SO MUCH has stemmed just from technology, and I mean the "tech" in technology (which I consider, in this case, anything electronic), not ancient advances like the wheel - or the paperclip. I wouldn't be writing, much less *typing*, and you wouldn't be reading this if it weren't for technological advances that led up to what I'm tippety-typing on right now. Then there's the way that people exploit things like .. religion for instance. OMG WHAT TIMING!

(Now playing: "Higher" by Creed) <skip>
(Now playing: "Up in Arms" by Foo Fighters)

Crazy, I talked about exploiting religion and Creed popped up. I think it was a sign.. from God.. lol.. ok no seriously. Creed is a perfect example of religious exploitation, along with TV evangelists and movie directors. Mel Gibson is coming out with that movie "The Passion of Christ" or whatever it is..

Ok, was I imagining things or did the entire Christian community have a spiny bug up their asses about this movie? Then today, I'm seeing "Pastors are turning publicists for the new Mel Gibson movie." WTF gives!? Well, Mel or the movie company or whatever sent over 100,000 promotional packages to churches all over the country and now church leaders are urging "you to see this R-rated movie. It's a tool for conversion.." blah blah.. I dunno about all that.

(Now playing: "Don't Get me Busted" by The Donnas)

I can't say that "I don't have a religious bone in my body" cuz I do, but I know that movie is going to be horrible: it's about the crucifiction of Christ! And it's going to be gory and detailed and I'll tell you right now that I'll probably cry if I see it. Just watching somebody go through that, if it was Jesus or the guy that invented friggin corduroy pants - it's going to be sad. I'm not here to talk religion, though.

(Now playing: "Punk Rock Girl" by The Dead Milkmen)

I'm sitting her drinking Diet Vanilla Coke. What an abomination on the soft-drink industry. I'm only drinking it cuz it's the only thing in the house that has any "flavor." Scratch that, I think we have some OJ - Ima go hit that up real quick.
(Ima - word I consider I created to abbreviate "I'm going to")

Ok, ok, ok ok ok I guess I need to submit already before I screw around and this all gets lost cuz I've been typing on it for like 2 hours.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

Random Rant 020804

heclec — Mon, 09 Feb 2004 00:35:08 GMT

What did I ever do to get treated this way?

Being born seems to justify the means as far as he sees.

You think your daughters are flawless,
but I'm your fucking child, too.

I try to hate you, but the fact that I can't makes it all hurt worse.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

Roll call!

heclec — Tue, 03 Feb 2004 11:34:24 GMT

Sound off!

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 4 replies

Random Rant 020604

heclec — Fri, 06 Feb 2004 06:47:25 GMT

Right Guard Power Caps WORK and these Oreos are the BOMB. My goddamn dog pissed on the kitchen floor again. I've got a tower of Mellow Yellow cans.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 1 reply

Random Rant 020404

heclec — Wed, 04 Feb 2004 09:57:45 GMT

I'm lonely, and I'm horny. But not in any raunchy kinda way. It's late at night and I tried to sleep and that's always the WORST time of day for me. It's partially why I stay up all night because there's just something about the nighttime that kills me. I sleep with a "body pillow" to sub for a body, but it's not quite the same without legs to get knotted together. Not quite as warm, thick, soft, solid.... emotional... as a real woman. It doesn't tremble when I touch it or sigh quietly in my ear.

God dammit, I don't get freaky with my pillow! I'm just saying...

I think too much at night. I almost wrote a story a la romance novel, but I decided against that. I thought I'd spare whoever read this. God knows I have some lovely fantasies... sometimes I think so much that I can't even concentrate on one thing to talk or write or...think about.

Does anybody else think that Janet Jackson nonsense at the Super Bowl is rediculous?

Will I have french toast and sausage or bacon and eggs for breakfast?

Will Leo and Helen's illegitimate child contract throat cancer from all that FUCKING pot he smokes?

Find out in the next Random Rant.. or in the below post, whichever happens first.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

I'm back

heclec — Tue, 03 Feb 2004 12:33:24 GMT

Oh, btw, if anyone missed me (ALL BLOODY SIX OF YOU) I'm back now. I've been busy for reasons I don't feel like discussing right this second.

Here's an interesting topic of discussion:

Anyone want to know anything in particular about me? Ask anything! I have nothing to hide.

'If anything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever feel this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you:
You gotta promise not to stop when I say when'

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 6 replies

Random Rant 020304

heclec — Tue, 03 Feb 2004 11:57:43 GMT

I'm so upset. I'm so miserable in this world; just everything about it in general. People are cruel and ignorant; the governments they run are controlling and greedy; everything I used to enjoy is losing is luster. I'm not trying to say "Oh I just want to die" because wishing for death is a waste of life, and suicide is a cowards way out. This VOID in my life, this utter lack of anything that brings me any joy.. SUCKS. The only thing that puts a smile on my face is watching comedians on Comedy Central and they occasionally throw out something that makes me laugh. Anything else on TV is just propaganda BS to make me feel scared or insecure or to fucking program me to like this and buy that. All the news is bad news. Nothing ever worth rejoicing about comes on TV like celebrating creation of new life, but always mourning for someone that died.. or got brutally stabbed or beaten to death. I need just that one lovely Void-shaped thing to take away all this doubt, diffuse the gravity of this spiraling black hole, and bring me out of singularity.

sin·gu·lar·i·ty Astrophysics: A point in space-time at which gravitational forces cause matter to have infinite density and infinitesimal volume, and space and time to become infinitely distorted.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

I don't expect help, or even a response. Just venting, as usual.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

Ack!!

heclec — Tue, 03 Feb 2004 11:30:11 GMT

My tribe has actually lost members!! At least 2 I think. Ugh. Oh well, I have a faithful few left.

Mad love.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

RU whut I want?

heclec — Tue, 03 Feb 2004 11:28:53 GMT

This was posted in another tribe and I responded to it. I thought some of you might find it interesting. These are my answers, of course.

How would you rank these attributes in terms of importance?

In random order:
1 - their past relationships

I don't care.

2 - looks (the lust factor)

I care, but only mildly. Beauty is only skin deep, after all (but don't tell that to an ugly person lmao).

3 - attitude (lets you be a human)

This is important. If I have to fight the urge to jack you across the mouth, then it's probably not going to work out.

4 - job or bank account (can help you get ahead)

I want to get ahead EMOTIONALLY. Cash can't buy sanity.

5 - potential

This depends. On what? It depends.

6 - artistic (creative and or unusual)

I dunno about it being so important but it certainly makes things interesting. I like someone that knows how to 'word' themself.

7 - compatability (likes same music or lifestyle)

On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being "most important" - this is a 9.5! From music and lifestyle to religious and moral beliefs, it's all very important to 'clique' in these areas.

8 - sexually aware (can make your toes curl often)

Do me baby! And make it good!

9 - humorus

Be silly. Make me laugh. Try not to stop.

10 - reliable (always lets you know whats going on and where they are at and who they are with)

I admit it, I suck, I'm not reliable. Why try to expect the same out of someone else? Granted, in the right relationship I couldn't HELP but bring myself to be totally honest in all things because I would think they deserved that of me.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

where's hectic?

shannonmcd — Tue, 27 Jan 2004 14:56:13 GMT

anybody see him around lately??

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 2 replies

Hello

Wed, 21 Jan 2004 23:22:07 GMT

Hello everyone, just joined and wanted to introduce myself...Hi! Well that about does it...bye.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 7 replies

Here's a doozy

heclec — Thu, 22 Jan 2004 15:36:35 GMT

Last night I had the freakiest, most vivid dream I think I've had in awhile.

I was in a mall with my "family" but they were just some surrogate dream-family that my mind had made up or something. There was a mom, a little 1-yr old girl, and a boy that was probably about 10. We ended up in a little Bar and Grill that was kinda off to one side, and while eating, my mom is at the bar talking to a guy that has convinced her to take him to Las Vegas for some reason; so we pack our things and leave.

Included in the trip to LV is my grandma, but this is *actually* my grandma (not a dream/surrogate one) and this guy had convinced my gramma to give him money! And she was giving him everything she had! So, in an effort to serve as a "voice of reason," in front of the man and in perfect earshot of anyone else I told my grandma "You know don't this guy! He's a goddamn hustler and he doesn't need your money" and took her money straight out of his hand and gave it back-this seemed to form some anymosity between me and the guy.

Alright, so later in the trip, we stop at a beautiful little scenic place where there's a river running alongside a grove of trees with a patch of grass and theres a gravel driveway leading down to it. Everyone is outside, enjoying the sun, except for my 'baby' sister who had been asleep in the car. Apparently she had gotten up and dragged the mystery guy's bag out of the car and was just kind of going through it. I don't know what was in the bag, but the guy got really protective and ran and grabbed the bag and kicked the little girl away. At this point I'm just like, "Oh dude, hell no. You do NOT kick my baby sister." and I punched the shit out of the guy and knocked him to the ground. He then pulled a knife on me, and being viciously antagonized by just everything he had done, I laughed and said "What? You got a knife? You fucking don't take my gramma's money, you've already brainwashed my mom, and you especially don't fucking kick my little sister." He grabbed my arm with his free hand and I fell back on the ground, and reaching back I happened to find a knife that was in the grass, and I just grabbed the handle and swung. Almost effortlessly, I lopped that dude's arm off. There was blood going everywhere, I was horrified, and then I woke up....

...and I was laid back in a chair under a tree on a sunny day in the backyard. Only.. it wasn't my backyard - just another dreamworld or whatever (I was still dreaming, ya). Suddenly, my 'mother' (all same people from previous dream) comes out of the house with a shovel and starts trying to dig through the wooden deck on the back of the house. "Mom..mom! What are you doing?"

"I know he's back here. I know you killed my boyfriend and buried him back here. You know, the guy that killed your baby sister? I can still hear Laura screaming..."

Wtf, right? It turns out she was talking about the guy I 'dreamed' about cutting, and Laura was my baby sister's name. Being throroughly confused, I went up to my brother's room and asked him "Uh hey.. what can you tell me about our sister?" and he tells me that she had some patiutary dysfunction that made her grow faster than she should have, and she was about half my height when she died at age 3... weird.

So the little brother is watching TV, and I turn and it's something on the Discovery channel about haunted houses. They mention a place that was in Jonesboro, AR which is a town about an hour away from where I am now. I'll be DAMNED if the haunted building they showed wasn't an apartment complex that several of my friends lived in (that's in 'real life' yeah) and I told my brother "Oh my GAWD! I've been there! I've slept there!" and he didn't believe me so I told him I could even take him to the place. We went there and sure enough the friends of mine still all lived there, and it had gotten late so me and my brother spent the night.

I have a dream that I can hear all this moaning and thumping and I'm thinkin "geez, get a room" until I realize *all the voices* (yeah, ALL) are in unison and that they're coming from the walls: someone is inside the walls clawing and banging trying to get out! Then they all come out at once, walls collapse and blood spews from the holes, and zombie-lookin people come out ..

And then I woke up, I'm back in the real world, it's 8am and the world is dandy. Except for the fact that I'm horribly shaken by this crazy shit. I thought I might write it down for posterity. (Is that the right word?)

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 2 replies

Random Rant 012104

heclec — Thu, 22 Jan 2004 03:14:51 GMT

I think I'm turning into a wino. The guy that sits on the street trying to scrape up change for bumwine? Where bumwine = the cheapest thing you can get at the liquor store? You know, that stuff that costs like $2 a pint and tastes like orange juice that's been in the sun for a week. $2.75 for some MadDog 20/20 will you get you pretty crunk, and in the mood to say the damndest thing, but in my case, just about any alcohol does that.

I've had my pint, and after a brief moment of reflection, have this to say:

I hate when I'm drivin and ignorant people flash me with their brights for like no damn reason, so I kinda flash back like "Uh.. helloo.." and then they flash me, like "Fuck you" and I flash back.. wtf is up with that. It happens to me all the time. Maybe people in Arkansas aren't familiar enough with the concept of electricity to know that "them shiny thangs on the front of the vee-hick-ole are bright." Or maybe the guys that fixed my fender-bender a few months back didn't set my lights back in properly so they point up into people's eyes. Actually... it didn't happen before then.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 1 reply

I'm an uncle!

heclec — Thu, 22 Jan 2004 03:20:17 GMT

Ok so, I've been an uncle for a couple of years, technically, but I only just to see my nephew for the first time today since my sister came home from living in NC with her husband. The comparison could be traumatizing (for the kid), but he looks a lot like me. There's pics in the album.

I need to find more pics of myself besides that kinda far off fuzzy (and deftly handsome) pic of me which is outdated by like 4 years....I'm drunk, I'm rambling. Good night.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

the new club

Randy — Tue, 20 Jan 2004 20:56:22 GMT

lets think of ways to get this club going

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 7 replies

<gasp> 011904

heclec — Tue, 20 Jan 2004 04:58:24 GMT

My God, I don't know what to say anymore. If I go a day without talking, I wonder what happened, when of course it's nothing to worry about. I'm sure I worry too much.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 2 replies

Random Rant 011804

heclec — Tue, 20 Jan 2004 05:07:23 GMT

DAMMIT!! I deleted this thread on accident, so here's a screwed up revision of the old one:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
January 18, 2004 - 12:46 PM

This mode I'm in is incomplete. Mode or "mold?" It hasn't been realized either way. In a world where people are too caught up on the *next* SUV they're going to buy, or thier 60" Plasma with Digital-PVR, I quest more for something that I can't buy. Questing for a source of sorts that can find beauty in flaws, and that I can become a tributary of.

But rivers aren't considered anymore, except concerning how they may be useful for pushing turbines and carrying boats, for profit.

So the river flows and nobody knows what delves beneath, and it itself is unaware of a certiain something soluble that's sought but yet unseen.

*(shannon)
January 18, 2004 - 02:04 PM
Re: Random Rant 011804
-
but yet the river is content with knowing that it flows underneath everything, that it is always present, waiting for the time when the capitalists realize that it is more than just a means.

*Hectic Eclectic
January 18, 2004 - 04:17 PM
Re: Random Rant 011804
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The time when it can be appreciated for it's depth and beauty and not simply for its mere use.

*(shannon)
January 18, 2004 - 05:23 PM
Re: Random Rant 011804
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which is right now. there is plenty of untapped resources. and yet the river is not alone. there is at least one person, even another river itself who understands and admires the first river beyond usefullness.

*Hectic Eclectic
January 18, 2004 - 05:35 PM
Re: Random Rant 011804
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<sniff>

....

<speechless pause>

Complexity, empathy, compassion <sigh>
A river can encompass, and also enshroud, all these things.

*(shannon)
January 18, 2004 - 05:44 PM
Re: Random Rant 011804
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but the trick is let the river flow, let it move on, twisting around bends, through rapids, over sandbars, around rocks. the river can only wear away at a rock, not break it in two.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 1 reply

Random Rant 011904

heclec — Mon, 19 Jan 2004 19:11:12 GMT

I rather like living but I'm not scared to die
When my times comes I will not cry
Never worried about death ever since my birth
I hope I like heaven, but I'll miss the Earth

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 0 replies

Welcome, I guess

heclec — Fri, 16 Jan 2004 21:06:06 GMT

If you're here, then it's by invitation. I'm nobody special, but if I invited you here, then I think you are. Maybe by popular demand, I'll make it public, but I'd have to become really special in the meantime. :P

Start your keyboards and let the BS begin!
Or restart your Windowze machine and do likewise.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 8 replies

Random Rant 011704

heclec — Sat, 17 Jan 2004 16:08:42 GMT

I had a dream last night that some terrorist organization had stolen a secret weapon from the government that could swim and fly and run on the ground, with all these gadgets like metallic claws and a tiny-telescopic-tubular camera. I was part of a team of 3 guys that was supposed to track, capture, and return this thing before they could duplicate the technology.

After tracking it for a week in our 'flying machines' (that were more or less like badass personal spaceships), and all three of us drained from lack of sleep, we decided that catching some Z's couldn't possibly hurt and that there was no way something so sophisticated could be cloned overnight.

The next day, we spotted the craft in the middle of the ocean - just sitting there so we went via boat to investigate. We climbed onto it, and the camera popped out and was checking us out. We tried to destroy the camera, and while doing so heard a "Cha-SHINK" sort of sound, which I had heard before and knew as the sound of the metallic claws being deployed. Then we heard a "beep...beep...beep..beep..beep.beep.beep" and the last thing I remember before waking up was being thrown into the ocean by a flaming eruption, and fearing drowning. Yeesh.

posted in Hectic Eclectic - 1 reply

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